Some Okcupid ‘privilege’ in action

So got some more lolz for you guys at the expense of the depravity we find ourselves in.  First lets go with that my fake guy profile got banned because I bitched at the girl coming later in this post.

privilage

I have talked before about shadow banning and soft banning and how the lastest thing they do is they don’t let you know you have been banned.  They simply don’t let you log on (technical difficulties…. my girl logged on right after. I even tried different browsers) or you will get on but your comments wont post etc.  THIS APPLIES TO EVERY MAJOR (((YKW))) site.

Anyway, so here is the girl in question, obviously fake bitch I reported a few times but of course girls>>>guys.  I remember some years ago all ‘girls’ got some paid features for free guys had to shell money out for.

bike

This used up bitch tried to cliam this was ‘her’.  A easy reverse image shows hundreds of results for the pic.  I pointed this out ‘oh that is actually me’.  Needless to say, my guy got taken down in the crossfire:

banned

Here is her profile, again click for better view.

profile

The * symbol is a note because certain things in her profile sound fake – ie scammer.  I had run into profiles before where they word things strange.  Plus no girl is going to have an age range that high.  Girls want someone a few years either way, guys want 18-22 all else being equal.

My suspicion is that this is likely a girl (guys make short fake ones, no need to get elaborate) and may look loosely like her and is ‘seeing whats out there’.  Anyway, even though its prob fake there is a chance it is not, and is UTTERLY TYPICAL of the entitlement most find.

Hillary does NOT get indicted

Just right now the FBI has decided to suicide it’s reputation to save Killary.  The guy goes off on a 10 minute rant about how she had tons of email chains that were sharing top secret emails with other people.  How she even had other emails that she did not turn over etc etc.  He essentially lays out for 10 minutes WHY should she be going down.

Then he reverses to say how she never intended to hurt the USA, how no prosecutor would take the case against her etc etc.  His conclusion?  NO INDICTMENT

I had some hope for this country, but to see the corruption at the highest levels to cover for some of the most corrupt people ever is disgusting.  Especially that FBI is probably trolling alt right sites endlessly, ready to serve us up with some child porn charges at end second yet let her slide.

White man’s lost world

I haven’t posted in a while, mainly trying to figure life out.  I realize how distant and strange a world white males have found themselves in.  I grew up being somewhat of a race apologist like the schools taught me, how big bad white men did this, and how evil columbus was, the poor blacks and so on.

It has taken a LOT for me to wake up, and I was already heavily disposed to thinking outside the box.  I see nothing but lost faces in males around me.  It is very important to harden your heart and know your allies will be very few and far between.  The brainwashing is so completely through that you have no other option than to take in code and manipulate people in similar thoughts.  “Maybe this might be racist or something, but I really wonder if there is more to the story when that poor (BLACK-OF-THE-MONTH) got shot by the police/ minorities took our jobs / etc”

I read the special forces manual once and the biggest thing out of it was the #1 rule was DO NOT GET KILLED AND RETREAT WHEN NECESSARY. Here these super alpahs guys and the first rule was run away to live.  It makes sense of course.  Same in life you can shout from the rooftops about minorities, jews etc but if it gets you outcast it gets you nowhere.  In your heart you WILL be isolated anyway, but you must remember you are in a warzone and the population has been complete brainwashed around you.  ACT APPROPRIATELY.

Sanders an ‘honorary woman’ by gloria steinman

I try hard to not utterly discount the left/democrats as I think there are some decent ideas like social programs etc, however it becomes harder and harder when things like their endless jewish/feminist connection is hard to deny.

http://www.cnn.com/2016/02/18/politics/bernie-sanders-honorary-woman-gloria-steinem/

Sanders first lost some respect from me when his site claimed about the easily proven false ‘wage gap’ for women.  Can we have an environmental candidate who is not a total stooge?

Press on, always!

Man guys, haven’t written in a while, the amount of growth I have gone through in the last couple of months is insane, most men do NOT grow because it hurts, its hard, it requires questioning things they believed their whole life.

Repeated dark nights of the soul leave a man broken, or he digs deep into his being and begins crawling out slowly, and will be better, a superior man.

I want to leave with this quote, and its relevant:

While we concern ourselves with laws, government and social mores, we are intruding upon women’s space and women’s affairs – we are auditioning for their approval as – nominally at least – their masters (though it is clear on closer examination that all men in such positions are actually women’s servants, be they politicians, priests or husbands).

On the other hand, when a man realizes he is alone in the world, and dependent on nothing but his reason, his physical strength and his resolve, his attitude changes. His immediacy to the Absolute could not be clearer. The thing the free man most craves – his own sovereignty – is at its closest to being realized. It is this state that I refer to as “One Man’s Kingdom.”

Over-coming codependent tendencies

So, a lot has happened in only a few days, I have long believed in self-improvement and have been diligent but I have been stalled out and fucked up for a long time on this flight nurse woman despite the massive red flags and general ‘get the hell out of there’ advice I got from people, a reader named Wais said I might be codependent and recommended a blog therawness, i was skeptical but checked it out.  (The relevant part is the 6 part letter series: http://therawness.com/reader-letters-1-part-1/ )

Codependent?  Yeah fucking right, I imagined some women who needed to ask her husband what to wear, if to be happy etc etc.  I was sincerely surprised when i realized I have MANY tendencies that stem from childhood and were all rooted in the fucked up problems I was having with the nurse – who by the way I can honestly say was occupying disturbing levels of my time, look to the prior post ‘oneitis’ (http://wp.me/p2YaVQ-ly) even most of my posts recently were about her, what the hell was wrong with me?

This will be a slightly ongoing thing as I have painfully unlocked some deeply disturbing things in my mind, and slowly processing what it means.  Namely, my codependency (copd) was such that I valued external validation as that was how I got value, that I was not fundamentally valuable just as EK, but I needed to be ‘the firefighter’ ‘the smart guy’ these ego identifications, that when I saved someone how could I NOT have value?  That was the perverse logic, and what many never escape. (https://eruditeknight.wordpress.com/2015/06/14/adrenaline-in-the-service-of-others-only-drugging-a-hole-in-our-heart/)

It led me to ALL SORTS of fucked up things, that I had to prove myself to be valuable, that I regretted my new job – likely because no one saw me thus how could I be validated, meanwhile my nurse friend bragged endlessly about how many people she saved – why she became so huge in my life.

The reasons she did, was that she represented both a narcissistic/emotional avoidant person who copd apparently are deeply attracted to as they feed off each others weaknesses and her bragging/job represented a WAY TO REDEEM MY VALUELESSNESS – again I never thought this consciously until now.

How could I have value?  My ego wondered.  I’m busy drilling in the desert, no one gives a shit about me, meanwhile she is in parades, children are lauding her, riding in to save the day, these thoughts were pure POISON to my mind.  Distortions based on the simple fact I could not validate myself because I was stuck in childhood patterns of needing to prove myself.

I am not ‘cured’ by any stretch, but I have literally spent hours upon hours the last couple days occupied by nothing but these dark, dark thoughts about how many of my goals, dreams, aspirations were all for chasing a redemption of childhood that would never come.  The nurse represented a validator of sorts that ‘oh EK you are so hot and fun to be with’ mixed with days/weeks of emotional avoidance that triggered me to ‘try harder’ to win her approval, maybe if I changed my job to flight nurse she would love me and my good child inside would finally be loved!

I have grappled with some dark, repulsive thoughts, about how many of my dreams were actually misguided, how that child NEVER WILL BE REDEEMED, but that this is ok, that all i need to to is be aware of the scars that I have from my past.  The biggest thing is that the worthless person I fear I am is just as fictional as the inhuman badass I think I need to strive to be, both of them are severely damaging.  The ‘badass’ sends me down the road of things that ultimately are NOT rooted in self-validation, that it is to prove myself to the world so that ‘finally’ I can be redeemed as ‘someone worthwhile’ and likewise the worthless false self is just as bad and wrong that just because I wont have a parade for me when I die doesnt mean my worth as a person is zero – because it is myself who determines that.

(For the record, my obsession with the nurse has been fairly obliterated in only a few short days with the magnitude of these revelations, I havent talked to her since last week, she called multiple times on different numbers today, she is going to get desperate, not sure what I will do, but its such a side issue compared to examining the self-damage I have sustained.)