I do not use social media in the slightest, I have a fake facebook I use like once every two months to look up somebody if it comes up in a conversation – the search functions on that site are laughably bad – but yesterday I sat down for a while looking up people from high school, and also for the first time since I ended it with the BPD girl who broke my heart I looked her up. (Story here, most personal confesion here https://eruditeknight.wordpress.com/2013/07/13/the-confession-of-ek-how-i-was-forced-to-take-the-pill/ )
First was so many of the hotties from high school…now look like trash. Fat, bloated, chunky…so sad. I was sitting there with my yearbook admiring their lithe body at the time, and the land whale picture staring at me in the screen.
A lot had kids, which is a mixed blessing, because I advocate girls marrying and conceving young, but it was just shocking to see these girls having 2-3 kids already, and no ‘life’ to speak of.
In regards to ‘no life’ this is the males as well as the females. Across the board it is ‘tech this’ ‘salon that’ basicly fancy ways to say they have shit jobs. I do not want to sound like I am critizing, I actually have a lot of sadness and pity for what we have become: nothing. When we all had these grand plans to do this, to be that. I am reminded of the song ‘shattered dreams’ by offsping. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=152ADIfHgIc make sure you read the lyrics.
I had been purposefully avoiding looking up the BPD girl, because I was not sure if my emotional state would be re-triggered by seeing her face. But, I no longer wanted to keep ‘running’ from her. I looked up her…and for a moment I felt a strong surge of reconginzation. (I knew her for about 3-4 years before I had a short and intense history with this girl, about 9 months in length before we went our complete seperate ways and I NEVER talked, looked her up, messaged her since, that was about 2 and a half years ago)
But…after the breif surge…nothing. She looked about the same, maybe a bit more worn down, a little more cracked out, not bad for a femcunt lawyer in this day and age. The reality was, I didn’t feel…anything. It was just a girl, someone I had met in my life but now meant nothing to me. Everything she had done to me, all the change she had forced in me (like taking the pill, becoming manosphere aware etc) the source of it, my ‘enemy’ after all this, there she was, and she was just some dumb girl. Its so ironic, I used to cry and write page after page analyzing what this meant or what she meant by that, and now, she gets mentioned for two paragraphs and that is it. She doesnt meant anything to me anything.
She is just somebody I used to know.