Shattered Dreams

I do not use social media in the slightest, I have a fake facebook I use like once every two months to look up somebody if it comes up in a conversation – the search functions on that site are laughably bad – but yesterday I sat down for a while looking up people from high school, and also for the first time since I ended it with the BPD girl who broke my heart I looked her up. (Story here, most personal confesion here https://eruditeknight.wordpress.com/2013/07/13/the-confession-of-ek-how-i-was-forced-to-take-the-pill/ )

First was so many of the hotties from high school…now look like trash.  Fat, bloated, chunky…so sad.  I was sitting there with my yearbook admiring their lithe body at the time, and the land whale picture staring at me in the screen.

A lot had kids, which is a mixed blessing, because I advocate girls marrying and conceving young, but it was just shocking to see these girls having 2-3 kids already, and no ‘life’ to speak of.

In regards to ‘no life’ this is the males as well as the females.  Across the board it is ‘tech this’ ‘salon that’ basicly fancy ways to say they have shit jobs.  I do not want to sound like I am critizing, I actually have a lot of sadness and pity for what we have become: nothing.  When we all had these grand plans to do this, to be that.  I am reminded of the song ‘shattered dreams’ by offsping. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=152ADIfHgIc make sure you read the lyrics.

I had been purposefully avoiding looking up the BPD girl, because I was not sure if my emotional state would be re-triggered by seeing her face.  But, I no longer wanted to keep ‘running’ from her.  I looked up her…and for a moment I felt a strong surge of reconginzation. (I knew her for about 3-4 years before I had a short and intense history with this girl, about 9 months in length before we went our complete seperate ways and I NEVER talked, looked her up, messaged her since, that was about 2 and a half years ago)

But…after the breif surge…nothing.  She looked about the same, maybe a bit more worn down, a little more cracked out, not bad for a femcunt lawyer in this day and age.  The reality was, I didn’t feel…anything.  It was just a girl, someone I had met in my life but now meant nothing to me.  Everything she had done to me, all the change she had forced in me (like taking the pill, becoming manosphere aware etc) the source of it, my ‘enemy’ after all this, there she was, and she was just some dumb girl.  Its so ironic, I used to cry and write page after page analyzing what this meant or what she meant by that, and now, she gets mentioned for two paragraphs and that is it.  She doesnt meant anything to me anything.

She is just somebody I used to know.

ek22

 

 

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16 thoughts on “Shattered Dreams

  1. Pingback: Shattered Dreams | Manosphere.com

  2. Off topic, just spamming this on a few blogs

    Off topic …

    There was a time when the manosphere was filled with amazing writers, MGTOW’s, gamers, PUA’s

    Game & MGTOW dominated the manosphere, before social justice assholes like Paul Elam helped turn it into the social justice anti-feminist crap-hole it is today

    Masculinity filled the manosphere, university of man, bronan the barbarian, book of pook,

    Until the blue pill soccer dads, christians & blue pill men like W.F Price, & Paul Elam descended on the manosphere like the plague

    • I don’t know if you read The Elusive Wapiti. He was the guy who convinced me that the manosphere was a thing, back when I was just reading Fred Reed and Steve Sailer.

      Elusive Wapiti has been keeping it real for years – since before the PUA crowd got loud.

      He’s married, he’s got kids, but he’s red pill.

  3. I had a similar experience a year ago trying to see what my old high school friends and acquaintances were up to. It’s been nearly 10 years and a testament to the red pill when you realize you’re the most successful and driven person in your high school graduating class.

  4. Would you believe what happened to you happens to females as well?That everything you went through was also experienced by few women?That some men can also be as shallow,selfish,bipolar as the girl you were smitten with? I said the same-he is just someone I used to know.

    • Well, the issue was not just simply emotional manipulation. The girl was a microcosm in the larger role in america where guys are susposed to sacrafice everything for the girl, which I deluded myself into being ready for…only to find how little I meant. I was the sacrafice, and…only was manipulated and discarded.

  5. So was this closure for you? If you’re over her and over it, are you thinking about getting back out there and trying to find someone who you click with? If so, good luck to you.

    Also, the part of your post I found really interesting was when you talked about some girls from HS that had a couple of kids but no life. What defines a life for you?

    I think the most interesting question you can ask yourself is how would you define success? Is it your job? Money? Women (or men depending on your preference)? I’d like to know what you’d have to achieve for you to consider yourself a success.

    Too personal?

  6. I can’t say I’ve achieved my dreams, but I’ve gone through school, and working a job to get me to the next stepping stone. I think a lot of my generation envisions themselves to be something super great, only to get distracted by the pretty baubles created to draw their attention. ‘New’ ideas are just rehashed and repackaged, and they grow bitter and cynical. It’s much like that speech Mr. Watterson gave about ‘creating a life that reflects your values and satisfies your soul’.

    I’m climbing that ladder, in contrary to his words, or so people would think. But apart from that ladder, I am living my life. I am enjoying my renewed relationships with my family, getting closer to my friends, and embarking on hobbies I once thought of as out of my reach. Because I wanted to, or at least compelled to, to join the rat race.

    I only join the rat race to support my hobbies. Once the time card is punched, I can live to be myself, rather than try to put on and slowly twist my personality to fit the outside world. I look back into the years where I could’ve gone, whenever I look at my Facebook and see old names pop up. Old loves, old flames. All burning hot to temper me to the realities of the age.

    I’m on my own, living the life I honestly want my soul to flourish in its own happiness. If a woman were to find its way past my barriers, good for me. But many won’t, some may try, and I’m all the better if none came through.

    /ramblings

      • Oh no, can never leave the rat race, not in this day and age. Though managing it and your own life is something people attempt, and fail to do. Or they get too caught up with it, seeing it as THEIR life, and nothing else.

        You can call me naive, because I know I am, but I’ll stubbornly stick to it, even if it means that, by anyone else’s metric, I am not going for the best I can be.

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