Borderline Personality Disorder girls

Borderline Personality Disorder in a girl is by far one of the most often problems a man will run into that will ruin his mental state, and if he recovers leads a large amount of them to ‘take the pill’ and realize the harsh truth of sexual dynamics.  I am going to make a claim that will make a lot of feminists angry, but the simply reality is BPD is nothing more than an exaggeration of modern female traits.

Now I do NOT mean to make light of a girl in your life with this, she will fuck you up emotionally SO bad, I went through this myself.  I consider myself emotionally strong, but I was fucked up for about 6 months straight because of this dumb whore.  Let’s get to it.

In case you don’t know what BPD is, it is a mental ‘disorder’ (I am highly skeptical of mental disorders in general, but thats for another time) characterized by the following:


Lack of affect

problems with interpersonal relationships

problems with self image

fears of abandonment

intense anger or irritability

idealization and devaluation of others

self harm/suicidal ideas are common

Fittingly, a lot of feminists argue AGAINST the definition of BPD…hmm, maybe the qualifications hit a little too close to home?

Of these, the biggest ones are the lack of affect, and the idealization/devaluation.  Evey BPD is slightly different, but they follow a pretty typical pattern.  BPD girls tend to be hotter than your average girl (which I freely grant may be selection bias, because the uglier bpd girls are not going to affect a guy as much as he wont get attached).  BPD relationships move very erratically, the girl may be secretive for a while, only to be telling you about how she was ‘raped’ when she was younger etc.  (Much like sluts, BPD girls have a very high incidence of ‘rape’ in their youth)  The BPD tends to be very ‘on’ at first, meaning this girl that seemingly loves you and everything you do.  She wants to have sex all the time, or at least is much faster to sex than other girls etc.

Now here is the problem, at first BPD relationships are insanely awesome, there is this hot girl that IDEALIZES everything you do, and compared to most girls this is a breath of fresh air.  ‘Finally, someone gets me!’ you think when you are not drugged into pleasant stupor by the constant sex they engage in.  There are always a few red flags, like the strange childhood drama, or things like that.  From my own experience and others, they tell you things at really weird times.  Like you will be having sex when she tells you ‘I used to cut myself’.  The one I was involved with, we were slamming it out when she stops ‘does it bother you that I like girls as much as guys?’

Intermittent reinforcement relationships is the key to what these girls do.  IR is something on how humans become addicted, think of a slot machine, SOMETIMES you win.  If you always lost you would move on.  BPD girls are natural masters of IR, because it will be awesome ‘oh my god, you are the greatest person ever, I dont deserve you’ about how special you are etc.  Wow, this is great man, this hot ass girl thinks I am so good.  Especially once it gets sexual, the untrained human mind is not ready for the multitude of assaults it is under.  How can you possibly think rationally when your ego is being stroked, and you dick is being stroked and sucked by a trained master?

Then…the darkness slowly starts.  It will be a cold day.  She won’t be friendly, something will be ‘wrong’.  Maybe a mild lash out at first depending on how ‘deep’ her hooks are in you.  ‘Fuck this bitch, she is out of here’ you might think in moments of clarity, but then she is all lovey-dovey and sorry and sexual and you forget.

They are MASTER manipulators.  Do not underestimate this.  When this girl is crying to you ‘I’m so bad to you, you deserve someone better, I am so glad you are helping me’ followed by undressing your pants with practiced speeds.

Writing this dregs up some memories I had locked away.  The pain and manipulation they are capable of can mess you up so bad.  I was strong, but I can admit I was rocked, and was continued to be rocked and was saved simply by circumstance.  I was ready to sacrifice myself for this slut, that realization chills me to this day – thats how strong their manipulation is.

There is a message board called bpdfamily which I used to go to for a while, the stories there will chill your spine.  There are bpd women out there that routinely cuckold guys, leave marriages of many years, live secret lives, endlessly abuse then sex the males in their life.  The sad thing is, it took me about 6-9 months of serious emotional pain, but I would go back to that board every few months for about a year to drop encouragement about guys to leave their BPD girls, and the same guys were still on there bemoaning ‘should I leave? does she love me?’ etc.

Being on the other side I wanted to shake and slap these guys ‘wake the fuck up!  I was there, I know your pain!  Run away from that girl as fast as you fucking can!’ but…when you are addicted to intermittent reinforcement relationships there is little you can do barring huge willpower.

In case you are here ‘looking for answers’ because man, thats all you do when you are under their spell, you ‘look for answers’ ‘does she love me?’ ‘why did she do that?’ etc.  There is not going to be a line you suddenly read that its like ‘well fuck I guess I better leave!’ just know there were men that went through this before you, and EVERY SINGLE ONE says it is better on the other side once you finally get away from this girl.  Get the fuck out of their soldier!

The irony, is when you have battled such a ‘high level’ girl like this, the tactics regular girls use are so obvious, the general score is so much easier to see.  After all, those traits are only exaggerated forms of what modern girl has come to represent.


318 thoughts on “Borderline Personality Disorder girls

  1. Hi
    I love this forum and I just love how true and how these bpd sluts are all the same
    My story for the record , 19 months with her and was diagnosed bpd 8 months ago
    She was secretive, angry , moody and manaplitive to fuck , turned round every argument round and ended up being my fault !! Her vile disgusting mouth , the words that came out still shock me now , she called my young daughter a spoilt cunt and even texted her phone the same
    my kids mum (ex) who unfortunately has brain damage after a catsastropic stoke she called her a fat retard cunt , seriously it’s just absolutely shocking
    She didn’t work , I paid for everything she never rarely said thank you and didn’t appreciate nothing ,she was a pretty good looker but ain’t getting any younger 45 but her opinion of her self was laughable , thought she was gods gift , giving me all the you won’t pull anyone like me of my league , haha . BPD they good on the outside but in the inside there just riddled with rotten evil cancer hate vile possession , possiblely the devil ! I would give it back to her as I wouldn’t be a mug but it all got to much after trying to leave nurmeous time then near Xmas told her am finished and she didn’t like that one bit , 1st the you love me and I love you and when I didn’t respond then I was a wanker and a cheat and a pedo and then as like they do try to hurt you with your fears by saying oh yea I did sleep with your mates lol , weather she did or not I really don’t care as I did love her once but after 15 months I slowly detested her and still do and am happy in the fact that she will have a awful life because of her being such a nasty evil human being
    So any man reading this asking themselves shall I leave then YES YES get out now. I read it all months ago and I was like no she will change , she’s good today but they don’t change ever
    Always be the same and your life will be shit , I generally feel sorry for the next victim, he don’t know what he’s in for , I kinda know her next victim but he have to find out for himself ,she threatened to watch my house and kill any girl I get with and more, I kept all texts and voicemails for evedience if needed and thinking of putting cameras outside my house !! That just says it all how fucked these girls are , am taking a break from women and gonna be hard to get close to anyone again . Dave

    • It may help to understand that while BPDs are horrible on the outside, on the inside they’re horrible in a different way. Their minds are scary, dark places. The same is true for all the Cluster B’s. I feel sorry for them; it doesn’t mean you, me, or anyone else is responsible for helping them, but still I pity them. Wouldn’t trade places with one for anything in the world. There’s a reason suicide is prevalent. It’s sad as hell, but life is too short to spend trying to help the unhelpable. There are females out there that aren’t like this; it’s worth the trouble to seek them out.

      EK, great observation. Study yourself to find out why she was so attractive to you in the first place, and you won’t make the same mistake again.

      My last BPD gf contacted me yet again. Didn’t reply; deleted the texts. It’s stupefying.

    • Yeah cause if you do decide to go back it only gets worse cause that time you spent away healing they are plotting revenge not missing on us. They want sweet revenge cause we got hurt by them and now we must pay for being hurt by them and trying to heal.

      It WILL get worse and I noticed she was extremely sweet and lovable the last time I left her for two months. They wham right when it could hurt the most as I found out my mother has brain n lung cancer and she started a huge fight and was selfish in regards to giving me a ride there to see my dying mother. She even ended it by saying her and her ex were laughing at my pain and she was glad I hated her and was in pain. It was vile and rutheless.

      I can’t imagine ever being that way even towards an enemy. She got me extremely upset and then kept blaming me for it all. It was over a dumb disagreement too. I was telling her I didn’t want to loan her any more money cause she made excuses about paying me my ten dollars back but was spending money left and right on herself. I could care less about ten bucks but it was the concept.

      She was ungrateful and selfish and she even told me she came back to hurt me. She is now using by proxy acting like she is getting help. The only thing she is doing is trying to get more people to comfort her for her cruel acts. I am sure she will leave out all the details as to why I snapped and cussed her out in therapy too. I told her to fucking die. I was infuriated and it was wrong but I honestly wished she would have ran in front of a train.

      She took a delicate time in my life and made it all about her. So textbook. I wonder if it there is histrionic personality too in there. I think all cluster bs run together somehow with that severe ego problem they have. They can cause us to go a little insane putting up with them. It is insanity by proximal exposure. I hope you stat strong mate and never look back.

      • Wow what a bitch , it is untrue how shocking they really are , my ex said before that all the shit she been dealt with and all the problems she seemed to have , bills , family etc that God only be happy when she jumps in front of a train and tbh the sooner the better , but it’s all mouth and will never do it , she has another loads of poor blokes lives to ruin yet , I never even knew about BPD so I meet her and all was good and textbook all the shit started after honeymoon period and again went through all the
        push /pull love /hate and hung in there
        too long like a mug , I have blocked her in every way possible and prey she just leaves me alone , she lives in my town which isn’t great but i will never ever return to that thing !! I feel I am a strong confident male but she has rocked me too but I will stay strong and won’t go back no matter what and glad I found this site for support and to know others in my boat , my friends don’t understand and don’t expect them to , until you lived through it then you know how truly awful it really was ! Stay strong everyone and appreciate the support

        • I truly hope you do stay strong as you are right now..i continued the push pull dynamic for almost three years. It isnt my first bpd either but I had no idea what that was either. Actually when I met her she said she had bpd and I thought she meant bipolar disorder. Whoops huge mistake there.

          I thought that she had low self esteem when she said nobody ever loved her and she didn’t know what love was. The beginning she had odd behavior but I thought well she is only in her 20’s she prolly just is insecure and hasn’t found herself yet. I overlooked huge warnings that made me feel really uncomfortable. I was looking up bipolar stuff and not about bpd.

          We have similar stories about how she got angry and said she slept with other people to hurt me. She would do a lot of cheap talk when she was mad to hurt me but the problem is you never know at what point she will actually be telling the truth and how far she will go to hurt you.

          I am not really affected too much by her running her mouth as I am shocked at how low she would go to try to hurt me. It was callously spit out. I know women are emotional but she would go to another level. I found myself getting into these nasty arguments and she would always use what I said against me. I was a villain if I called out her abuse or how I really felt about how she was behaving.

          You would think I was murdering her she even called it emotional rape cause I told her how I felt about her and her ex and that he didn’t love her and I was tired of her lies and abuse. This was abuse because I didn’t agree with how she behaved and how she treated me. Haha umm okay….

          You cant even logically have a discussion with them cause as soon as you remotely hurt their feelings from that moment on they are just trying to degrade and humiliate you. There is no logic to anything they are saying. They just want to hurt your feelings cause you made them feel bad about themselves and any tiny cut to their ego and they go off the deep end.

          Like you said her perception of herself is grand and it is just a cover up for all they lack and hate about themselves but they think by acting big and tough nobody will call them out and let them get away with whatever they want. I’m sure plenty people in her life coddle to her and she eats it up and smears my name. I always wonder do these people ever sit back and see how much drama and chaos is coming from every relationship with these women and think to themselves that it must be her with the problem not every single person she dates??!!

          I feel if people would stop enabling them so much and make them be accountable for their problems then they may actually have to grow up and learn from their mistakes!

          I used to call her delusions of grandeur cause of how she was so full of herself and used to think how obvious her huge boastful and arrogant attitude just shined with how empty she was. I dedicate” I’m looking through you” by the beatles to her. Haha I know I am not perfect but I never would have to put others down and make them feel small and ignorant to feel tough. I just know I’m tough. It doesn’t matter what reality someone else perceives of me I am confidant enough to know that I’m allowed to have different feelings then others and I don’t have to apologize for feeling different either. I could never have a different opinion or it would send her into a compete emotional breakdown. I used to blame myself but it isn’t my fault someone else doesn’t have emotional control. I wouldn’t try to upset her or anything just state how i felt and what i think and she would go off. It constantly had me in a state of shock and is very controlling and abusive.

          I am glad you found this forum and have a place to vent too. It is nice to be comforted and have support by people who understand. I know exactly what you mean. I would check out Shari Schreiber on leaving a bpd. She has the best articles that I ever read that built me up and really had me realizing what exactly was happening and the best way to leave and stay gone too. She helps you see what is going on very clearly.

          • Almost word for word what you said she did or said
            It’s uncanny how alike they all are , thanks for the advice but I already read the above a million time haha like you did trying to find a answer that just isn’t there , the only answer is to leave them
            Because of me bringing up her issues she did seek help and got on meds and yea helped and that’s why I stayed to long but the evil is lurking building up waiting to explode and slowly it got worse again
            I got accused of cheating almost daily , I never once did or even flirted with another girl while she was the secretive snake , I pulled her every time I wasn’t happy about her acting suspiciously and was always like you say spin it back round on me !
            She was jealous of my own child and any time I wasn’t with her it was a problem
            She’s basically a acholoic, bottle of wine a day ,mix that with meds and a recipe for disaster , she hated my daughter and my friends and just about most of her family , I am pissed off with myself for hanging in there so long but I know it’s not my fault it’s hers and like every one says when I ready to meet somebody else at least I will spot the signs a mile off ! I don’t think I will be that unlucky and meet another haha I hope not anyway
            I feel sorry for the next bloke I do , poor fucker don’t know what his in for , unless he can use and abuse it
            And don’t get loved up

        • Yeah you are right leaving is the only way. There really isnt any closure for how they acted and why we put up with it so long. I know exactly what you mean. I’m sorry she hurt you like that. I know it doesn’t mean all that much coming from someone else but you didn’t deserve it. It isnt your fault she is that way and you couldn’t have changed it.

          I just know that I kept going back and funny thing is she is in extensive therapy right now. A rehab center in another state. I was just wondering if this means there is hope but as I can see from your story it doesn’t change anything. They still have the feelings just under the surface. I was thinking cause she left before Christmas and is getting the help I asked her to get there was hope.

          I don’t want to feel the chaos anymore. The constant misunderstandings that lead to full out war and I just have no more compassion. I have compassion exhaustion from always trying to help and be there for the daily crisises she had. I don’t want to reconcile cause when I needed her she was gone and that guy can have her. She is his problem now. He knew I loved her and snuck in behind my back and he has no idea what he is in for. I hope he is happy to get that problem off my hands. Haha poor schmuck he thought she was some prize cause while I was there she was taking everything out on me. Now that I’m gone he is gonna see all those nasty sides I was getting.

          He already left her over two years ago cause she is a crazy whack job but he forgot cause she was dishing the crazy on me. I couldn’t even tell her I was hurt by him and he knew she was in a serious relationship with me.

          He snuck around texting her and acting like he was just her friend but I’m sure she was leading him on. I always forget why I hate her so much months later,that is my damn problem. I totally forget. Im writing it down this time and putting it on my fridge. I can’t have someone like that in my sons life. I can’t show him that it is okay to allow people to you that was and to continue to go back for more. Im no longer a victim of her I’m a damn participant. I have too much empathy for her sad life. I felt I could lift her up. Maybe I was too narcissistic to believe I could help her.

          I found out that people with a.d.d. Are more prone to date these women cause of the need for stimulation they give. I was diagnosed with a.d.d. When I was 20 so I know I’m attracted to high matenence women. I have to work on that. Haha I need to find different stimuli instead of pleasing some ungrateful unloving woman. Geeze. Im ashamed put up with it for so long. She always convinced me i was the problem so i really believed it. Sad but true.

          Anyways I wish you all love and happiness. I hope we all find what we are looking for and hopefully we come back here to tell the happiness we find one day and are able to laugh at this and put it as a shadow of a memory. We are all more wise for these experiences and know more of what we want and don’t want If any good came at all, that would be it. It can only go up from here.

          • Sounds like u thinking of going back
            Even if after therapy she says I am better am cured etc , fuck that mate she treated u like shit on her shoe and like a doormat , u deserve much better than that , u can’t go back to Someone who just makes a mug of you , embarrassing even to go back, my mates would disown me if I went back I think ,
            Anyway Hang in there mate support is here when needed and we wil move on and upwards in the new year trust me

  2. So been thinking about my ex today as above story and feel I need clousure not get back together but I just read this below from another site and haha omg it’s so true and has made me realise there’s no point in trying to get a apology, sure this Will help another guy in the same shoes .sorry if it’s been posted b4 etc..
    close the doorClosure is a healthy part of ending a relationship. You each get to say your peace. You both apologize for any unintentional and/or intentional hurts. You say goodbye and wish each other well. This is how closure works between two reality-based, reasonably sane adults who basically had a good relationship, but didn’t work because you ultimately had different goals, values, interests, a lack of compatibility or you grew apart instead of together.

    A less satisfying form of closure is when you had a relationship with someone who wasn’t considerate, wasn’t invested in the relationship or just wasn’t ready for commitment. If this person is a reality-based, reasonably sane adult then you break up and state how they hurt you. They apologize and give you an ego massage by offering, “It’s not you; it’s me. You deserve someone who really loves you.” You accept his or her apology and you both go away feeling a little better.

    Trying to get closure with a narcissistic and/or borderline woman usually results in reopening your old wounds, not healing them

    Attempting to obtain closure with an abusive, narcissistic and/or borderline woman (i.e., Crazy) is almost always a maddening exercise in futility. You’re not going to get closure with this kind of woman for several reasons. First, she doesn’t meet the three most important prerequisites for giving and receiving closure:

    A reasonable degree of sanity
    A foothold in reality
    Being able to give an ex closure means you’re able to accept your share of responsibility for the demise of the relationship and when has your BPD and/or NPD ex ever taken responsibility for her behavior, especially when she was clearly in the wrong?

    Don’t you remember how she would rewrite ancient and recent history when you were together by portraying herself as the long suffering heroine and you as the terrible ogre, after every nasty blow-up, attack or cold shoulder episode that she initiated? Do you really think she’s going to admit to any of the relationship atrocities she committed during the relationship now that it’s over? (*Unless, of course, she’s attempting a Hoover.)

    I hate to break it to you, but if you’re waiting for this to happen or, heaven forbid, an apology from this woman; IT’S NOT GOING TO HAPPEN. If you try to get closure from your NPD and/or BPD ex by detailing the many ways she hurt and tortured you, she’s unlikely to acknowledge what she did.

    Instead, she’ll puff herself up, look at you like you’re the crazy one, and mystifyingly tell you, “I was a wonderful and loving wife or girlfriend. How dare you say these things to me? You must be crazy or someone’s brainwashed you. Don’t you remember how good I was to you and the many things I did for you?”

    Somebody has a memory problem, but it’s not you. If you seek closure from this woman, she’ll regale you with her revisionist relationship history as you have yet another NPD/BPD induced WTF-moment. You’ll be understandably rattled after walking into another one of her traps and she’ll tell you how worried she is about you because you seem so unhappy now (the “without her” is implied).

    Evidence that the hard wiring in these women’s heads is truly out of whack:

    1. They don’t get that when you look hurt, unhappy and in pain it’s because of something they’ve done. They think it’s because of something you’ve done because if she hurt you, you deserved it and she was right to hurt you. She’s confused hurting you with “showing you affection” and trying to take most of your assets as “generosity.” You cannot reason with this.

    Once most men finally get out of an abusive relationship, they feel an intense amount of relief. They have regret and sadness that they fell in love with a woman who doesn’t really exist and put up with the abuse for so long, but that’s normal. Nearly every man I know who’s broken free from one of these women is infinitely happier — even with less money (if it’s divorce—a reader describes it as “the price of freedom, sanity and happiness”) and/or less time with their kid(s). Once the abuse stops, it’s a tremendous relief.

    2. What they call love is really abuse and control, but they doggedly insist, it’s love. Enough said.

    3. Some of them truly believe they were the best wife or girlfriend. You could show this kind of woman a video tape of one of her unprovoked rage attacks and she’d still deny she did it or find a way to blame you for it. Her defense mechanisms are impenetrable.

    This is why it’s crazy for you to seek closure from this woman. She may have brief moments in which she can recognize the truth of who she is and what she’s done. However, the reality of it terrifies her and shakes her to the core. Instead of apologizing to you, she’ll quickly revert back to her idealized false self or image that no one (who knows her well) believes.

    Narcissistic women in particular believe that their facade is so slick that no one can see through it and many people don’t until they get too close, which is why these women don’t let anyone get too close. In other words, she believes her own bullshit. She has to believe it because if she doesn’t she fears she will fall apart. It’s a matter of ego preservation vs. ego annihilation except that she’s actually preserving her false self.

    Then she will either attack you or gaslight you by rewriting history yet again. Do you really want to get caught in one of these crazy-making, never ending loops with your ex? Didn’t you learn your lesson while you were with her?

    Here’s how you get closure from an emotionally abusive narcissistic and/or borderline woman: Get as far away from her as you can and then get on with your life. The best form of closure for you is living well and that means a life free of abuse, filled with love and happiness. This woman will never have the kind of relationships other people are capable of — she will be left with herself and that’s a fate I wouldn’t wish upon anyone.

    • Sheer gold. It’s at for anyone else who’s interested.

      Note it’s for narcissistic abuse, e.g. NPD. I don’t have first-hand experience with either HPD or APD (I gather they are simply less prevalent) but I’m pretty sure all the Cluster Bs have similar effects on people who attempt to maintain relationships with them. You just can’t have a relationship with someone who’s not all there inside. It’s like going for a walk on the beach with someone whose legs are different lengths; you just have to accept that they’re going to walk slowly or in circles.

      I didn’t read every word of the essay, but the first couple of paragraphs seemed to be spot on. I can attest that closure simply is not possible. You want to go for a walk on the beach, and they are well meaning, but they wander into the surf. There is literally nothing you can do about it. You can spend the rest of your life carrying them, but is that really what you wanted out of your life?

      Despite all the gruesome grinding-down of my life with my last BPD girlfriend, she has since contacted me three times to get together. The first time, I replied with something absurd. Next two times, nothing. It’s frankly quite sad, but at least she (probably) has not found another boyfriend to make miserable.

      • I’d take it one step further. No “this is goodbye”. Just disappear. There is literally nothing, not even goodbye, that you can say that will make them stay away. Silence is the only message that works long term.

  3. I keep having these horrible flashbacks, like I feel some kinda shell shock from the aftermath. It is crippling. I change my thoughts but the fact I ley her degrade me and then ultimately play me for a fool humbles and humiliates me.

    I just think back to all the horrible things she said and how painful it was and it is like flashbacks. My body even gets hot flashes when I think of it. Our brain has random thoughts and too much time invested put her into my random thoughts. Maybe it was just traumatizing? I don’t know but I am indefinitely scarred and feel so much regret and just utter disgust when I think of how she used me,played me,manipulated my feelings,and cohearsed me to doubt all I was.

    I just am feeling hurt all over time and again. The pain gets a bit better and I am able to stop the obsessive thoughts more now but I can’t help buy feel so much anger and beyrayl. I know she was in love with her ex but now that I know he is with her it infuriates me. Not cause I want her but cause I put a lot of time and effort into making it work and she couldn’t even treat me like a human with feelings. She just threw me away and the worst is tried to leave me with all the guilt and shame. I almost cant wait for them to end so she can try to recycle me and I can tell her to go fuck herself.! I want to feel that pleasure for once cuz i was always trying but I know interactions with her will just cause crazy making behaviors and drive me mad.

    Ohh it wont be too long until he meets the exact same fate as I and he will realize his pursuit was just as ignorant as mine. They think its funny that they hurt me ohh they gang up on me too…i am going to be laughing in the end. I’m glad he took that whack job off my hands. He didn’t win he lost. Hahaha. She isn’t worth a dam. And he thought he was so cool cuz he snuck in and thnks he won. He just picked up my trash is exactly what he did. She will only fake that sweet shit for so long and he will remember why they are exs! Cause she’s trash.

    I know she will put on the charms now but soon it will be him Receiving her scorns and mistreatment and I am free! Free!

    • Ohh I forgot to mention on my bday I received a random text and they ignored my attempt to find out who it was. They diverted it and asked who I was and randomly started saying how depressed they were??! I don’t even know who this is…they wouldn’t respond and I swear it was hurt. There are s many apps today you can change your number in a minute and bother someone. I think it was her. I wasn’t sure so I didn’t get too rude but I made it clear I wasn’t happy about it of it was her.

      I mean what are the chance a random stranger would text my phone and start making it all about their damn depression?? Wth doesn that? Nobody! People say wrong number and mpve on. I think she knows I hate her and was sneaking to try to guilt me some more and hope I would think of her and contact her. Sneaky b****. Next time I’m not even replying to a number I don’t know. It is prolly her.

    • Holy shit
      There is something, that I don’t fully understand, that makes the hooks painfully strong. Like they display a side of ourselves that we wish the rest of the world would accept. You become addicted, horribly addicted.
      You need to get away from her. Pour out your feelings into a journal, to friends, here, anywhere but to her.
      Delete her number from your address book. Set up filters to autodelete her emails. Route her number to spam. Add her number to your reject list. You are an addict that must get alcohol entirely out of your life.
      When you are free you will look back on the hold this had on your mind and you may be embarrassed. Don’t be; there’s no shame in it.

  4. As a woman diagnosed with bpd I must say this is very hurtful to say the least. I feel I must explain the logic of why people with bpd act the way they do. Yes often we have experienced trauma and we become hypersensitive to our environment. We are not capable of conscious manipulation as we associate sex with love. When we experience that closeness we truly believe that this is how love feels or maybe we don’t feel that we are enough and our sexuality makes us feel like we are worth something and that we are loved. It is a way of filling an emotional void and protecting ourselves from experiencing the primal pain that we hold deep inside. It is in fact a way of coping.
    I wouldn’t encourage anyone to leave anyone based on the fact that they have a mental illness. I would hope they could encourage them to get real help from a therapist. With time people can recover, but they need to deal with very traumatizing points in their past where their development as a human being was stunted. This is very difficult and cannot be done on ones own. Help is needed. Please don’t judge people, because it’s not their fault they were so damaged by their past. They need help and insulting them and calling them a whore? This only reinforces their sadness and fears. They need kindness, hope and the stigma needs to end. I didn’t want to accept my bpd status for years, because it made me feel like no one will ever love me because of the stigma (a bpd persons biggest fear). Also reading stuff like this on the internet hurts a lot too. The feeling that no one will love me made me wonder why I was living. I contemplated and attempted suicide many times. I am so thankful for my supportive friends and family for being encouraging and understanding. I’m finally in the place where I am not ashamed of having bpd and I know all I need is some help. Please don’t make people feel ashamed for having an illness they didn’t choose. It only causes further damage. I just want to be happy and I hope someone will love me one day and I can make them really happy.

    • I appreciate your level response. I’ve found it’s characteristic of cluster B’s, especially BPD’s, to be extremely humble and kind.

      I’ve got a touch of NPD and I go out of my way to reach out to others. I hope in time you will find that the good characteristics of BPD, like spontaneity and warmth, will remain, and the lashing out and anxiety will ebb, and you will find yourself to be an extremely attractive person.

      I don’t think any of the people commenting here truly believe that BPDs are evil. Certainly, however, it’s the easy way out, to explain the pain they cause. I can attest that I had my moments of “She’s evil!” but before long I settled into feeling bad for her and trying to help. I gave that up and now I just feel bad for her.

      Again, kudos to you; the folks resisting the diagnosis come around spitting venom, but by and large the ones who have accepted it are almost impossibly humble and kind. Keep your chin up; there are people who appreciate what you’re going through.

    • I second where Shortest Straw is going with his comment.

      I will say that it is impossible to generalize people in a category meaningfully beyond a small set of criteria.

      The disconnect comes from people with BPD doing obviously heinous things to people vulnerable to them and taking less responsibility than a normal person does for lesser “crimes”. It is apparently unfair and this unfairness is the basis for the pain that drives the hatred and labeling.

      I am extremely hesitant to feel sympathy for those who can work themselves into such a frenzy that they basically traumatize their partners and then turn around and act perfectly cognizant of all of their other actions. You don’t get to have a full rewarding wonderful life and then totally unleash hell on those close to you.

      I’ll even go as far as saying I have been on the other side of the fence and stigma definitely made recovery from my mental illness harder. You don’t have to be perfect but you do need to get some self-awareness and let me be clear any and everyone who genuinely follows through with care no matter what has my one hundred percent blessing.

      But you’d be surprised how many hide behind their diagnosis. Those are the evil ones, and I do believe evil is an okay word to use. They aren’t bank robbers or hardcore criminals, they *are* extremely damaging to normal people and themselves and no one else can make them quit. If not evil then very, very, very wrong.

      • I guess my point is leaving someone based on that from my experience is entirely warranted because the consequences are great, and unless that person is under control, they are coming.

    • I let anyone post, but I see nothing but serious rationalization out of you. It doesnt really matter if someone is ‘aware’ or not of danger. It is like a tiger, it doesnt really matter if it ‘intends’ to hurt us, its dangerous, therefore people need to get away.

      • Well, I was trying to be nice, but of course you’re right – she hasn’t fully come to grips with how her behavior affects others. Personally, I bet she gets there. But who knows.

      • I really wonder if that is one of our exs who is trying to guilt is some more to love them even. You see how she makes it like she is single? When the hell are they ever single? Seriously?! She is almost pleading for an ex to come back by all those things she said. One of our exs found us man! Lol they found a way to try to guilt us from our own safety zone. Bahaha

    • I think you are making excuses up for being cruel and unfair to people who care deeply about you by saying it isnt fair people are hurt and affected by my cruel unjust behaviors. It is an excuse to stay unhealthy cause why are you looking up borderline forums to go into to attack victims?

      Well in your words explain why you are all so messed up that we should just accept that you are broken and deal with it until you get help? In my defense then maybe you should stay away from people and relationships until you are fully emotionally able to accept responsibility and able to have self control over your sick behaviors that stemmed from childhood abuse.

      I have been extremely abused as child I wont go into details but that never gave me any right to go around torturing people and claiming it was cause I was abused. I’m am adult and i went and got help right away and don’t get around people who want to tear me apart cause i gave already been through enough.

      I find your comment the point you are trying to envokr guilt and shame onto people who are already hurting. You are not even almost healed yet. When you feel the need to stop defending your abuse then you are getting somewhere.

      I would fire your therapist cause they are failing you and your life. I am sorry you are so depressed that you hurt everyone but maybe you would feel better if you stopped hurting everyone just my two cents. Sheesh….

      • If you really are focused on healing and becoming more able for people to accept and love then maybe you should start by going to people you have hurt and making a true amends with them and helping them out some.

        Instead of searching forums where people are distraught and hurtful again to justify that you are being condemned for just trying to be loved??! That isnt the issue. It isnt cause you want to be loved but the fact of how unstable your emotions are and the damage they cause to the people.

        Stop feeling sorry for yourself and that you think sex is love. I am just hearing complete denial. It sounds like you ate just using your diagnosis of being bpd as a way to justify horrid behaviors towards innocent people who are vulnerable towards your abuse.

        Nobody is hating you for wanting to be loved and accepted. We are just venting over the pain which is what you are doing as well. Why is it just you wanting to be loved when you vent and we are trying to attack and stigmatize you if we are venting??? Its unbalanced and unfair to try to force people to not make an assessment of all the pain they feel.

        My advice is once you start getting the help you really need from a bpd trained theraist not one who will comfort you as the victim which is what you have now. When you find a real therapist that makes you wake up and look at how your own behaviors are hurting yourself and others then you can start healing.

        Once you do the real introspective spiritual dissection of yourself and heal those core wounds then you need to get to know someone before you jump onto a relationship.and don’t date narcissist and other disordered people unless they are in the throws of serious core healing work. Those people will rip open all your scars all over again and create new ones. People who are egocentric will always hurt you cause they can’t be wrong as you can see in your wake.

        It was all pride and egocentric projections onto the world that kept causing those whirlwinds of hate and self loathing. Stay away from emotionally unhealthy people unless they are doing serious inner core work,that isnt discriminating it is protecting yourself from reoccurring damage.

        If you continue to hurt yourself then it is only your fault and not other people. The reason those people are supportive as they are is they don’t actually see wgo you are in a relationship. Bpd is triggered by romantic relationships. So it isnt uncommon for people as friends and family to not see all the pain and destructions all these moods are causing and what lengths you are going to to protect your ego of avoid abandonment. Which is usually a shit load of toxic behaviors that erode love and build hate. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and feel sorry for your victims. They didn’t deserve it and when you stop feeling sorry for yourself and and start making serious adjustments towards your behaviors then you are still an abuser. One who blames everyone else for your own bad behaviors. Nobody controls your emotions. You are the only one in control of them.

        It is your obligation as an adult to mantiain and treat people with human decency of you expect people to treat you the same. If you have underhanded comments and passive aggressive manners in which you punish people for being different or not agreeing with you then you ate still unwell.

        People are allowed to have different lifestyles and feelings about things that shouldn’t make you have a complete emotional breakdown or get furious. If people make you furious cause they think different you are very sick emotionally. I can spot someone who is sick right away by the first time we disagree on something that has no affect on their life at all.

        It shouldn’t be a war zone if someone feels differently than you do that is an ego problem and that shows sickness. The ego shouldn’t rule the mind. Pride will destroy all good inside you. There is a difference between pride and dignity.

    • A good example of what I’m trying to say is for ex. Child molesters are usually victims of child molesting themselves. That is usually where the sickness stems from. Most people who have been molested learn to never harm another human being that way cause they realize the severe emotional damage it causes and they actually become more caring and empathic people. Yet some become child abusers themselves cause they are usually trying to punish other people in that case innocent children for their abuse they themselves occurred. Some just didnt have support or get help at all and become child abusers from just lack of insight cause the child abuse gendered their own emotional intelligence to the point where they cant consciously be aware of the damage they inflict on other people cause of their own torment and pain. I can sympathize with inner torment and pain buy never can I sympathize with anyone who chooses to harm innocent people for their own selfish gain or lack their of emotional intelligence. It is like you telling the children of the abuse to learn to accept that the person is unhealthy and no get out of that situation and understand with their abuser??

      It isnt right in that situation and I isnt right in yours either. You have to understand why people warn people and also why people want to get away. It isnt for lack of understanding. You are missing the point. If you weren’t so entitled and in a state of grandeur you would understand people who are kind are not necessarily unaware or why younate behaving those ways. It is for lack of compassion or understanding. In almost positive they do a lot of reading to help understand their loved ones pain to try to understand why they are doing the things they are doing to them and others. It doesn’t make the abuse okay or mean it is caused from lack of understand or awareness from the one being abused. It is opposite. It is the lack of awareness from the abuser that is causing the abuse to usually spiral out of control.

      When one person is unaware of their consequences that their pain is causing their loved one it spirals out of control. It becomes a vicious cycle of abuse from both people. The person being abused and feeling suffocated and their pain is not being considered, reacts in very defensive primal ways as well. They choose fight or flight cause their psyche is being attacked. Bpd people project identify so they bait the other to react how they feel which is usually intense shame and guilt and fear. It causes a tipple affect between the two and ends up drowing both people in ongoing emotional sabotage. They both end up being terrified and reacting primal.

      What I experiences was utter confusion with my own primal instincts which led to fear and anger. Bpd people disown parts of themselves they don’t consider acceptable. They want irrational perfectionism. It is completely impossible for anyone to react perfect and especially when they are under attack. That is what ended up being the downfall was the fact she insisted and begged I would forgive her and accept her and love her unconditionally but she was so self absorbed she couldn’t even return the same towards me when my actions were soley reactions toward trauma,abuse,and fear. I wasn’t able to even leave cause it would hurt her to where she wanted to die but when I stayed I was under attack for everything I said or did that wasn’t up to her standard or that didnt make her feel happy all the time.

      She put so much pressure on me to behave and react certain ways then would attack me or belittle my feelings. It put me in primal fight or flight and it wasn’t even conscious. I tried to learn how to not have primal instincts cause they were hurting her and that is incredibly unfair to expect someone to not be who they ate and even going as far as to expect them to not be a human. We are not robots and we are sensitive too. We have felt severe pain before and it is as though a bpd Person truly believes we don’t feel pain or we have never felt sever emotional pain before. It isnt realistic assume such premise and then to punish us for being a human. It leads into more and more abuse on both ends. We become tormented. We are not allowed to leave and we cant stay cause everything we do or don’t do becomes a serious problem for which we are punished for.

      How is anyone supposed to he’s if they aren’t even allows to without being punished. We are punished for trying to heal or torment hearts so we can continue loving the person if we is vicious and it is completely impossible to remain in that situation without both people causing so much pain that there is no happiness anymore at all. It becomes pure emotional torment. You think its cause we dont try to love and understand our lovers pain but it is you the bpd or personality disordered person who is not dying to love or being understanding. It is you expecting someone else to make you happy instead of yourself comforting yourself to make you happy. You are as an individual supposed to be responsible for your own inner happiness and comfort. So in actuality I you love this person as much as you think you do then it is merciful for the person to leave. It lets them heal and forgive you. The starting point for the bpder is to learn to change their perspective on why their lover is leaving. It actually is mercy.its mercy to throw the towl in. There is only a power struggle going on and impossible expectations that cant be humanly possible for anyone to meet until the person with bpd gets help. Extensive help. It leaves a chance that hopefully the love hasn’t been severed so much to the point the bridge is destroy and can never be built again. So once the person with bpd get that help they can return and heal the past and start fresh when they are able to emotionally comfort themselves and consider other peoples feelings as well,which is natural once you he’s your own torment and can communicate your pain in a healthier way.

      It is a way to preserve the love and not completely massacre the love. See the bpd person has to learn that just cuz someone needs to heal doesn’t mean that their lover does not love them or accept them. It means that in order to Sta in love they have to get away before its too late and all hope is lost. If they stay they are being selfish and its all in vain. They are expecting someone who is severely emotional damaged to heal their wounds. Leaving is the only way until the person gets help. That is why I said you are no healed yet cause yu are blaming the victims for not being understanding when that isnt the truth,its your perception through green eyes(jealous eyes) you are jealous they will love another or be happy without you but that isn’t why someone who loves you leaves. It isnt cause they don’t love you its cause they do love you. It is the most painful thing to leave someone you love. You are only considering yourself and the pain it causes you that they left instead of truly realizing it is usually cause they want to heal and want you to get help and most of the people I have read about want their lover to return. They suffer for months and years waiting. The problem is the bpd person is usually still trying to use other people to fill that void you speak of and not healing and returning to their lover. They are bust being bitter and hurt cause they feel their lover abandoned them when that isnt usually the case at all. They are suffering and trying to heal and want their lover to get the help they need but if you were healed or on your way you would realize that love isnt a switch. It remains pretty much all someones life. They best thing is to reach out and communicate that you are just getting help and you will return. You just need to heal yourself first and more than likely they will be waiting. They will work on themselves and heal and be with open arms when you return. You can keep some contact form. I would say letters to express each others pain and desire for each other. It shouldn’t be a way to blame and hurt so the other is fearful you or them is leaving but a way to basically put it at a snail crawl until you can resume when you left off. I would say once a month a letter of how you feel for them and miss them. Then slowly reconnect by twice a month and then once a week all just letters. No talking. Its a process. Letters hand written are doorways to the soul and deeply healing and enriching for both parties.

      There is usually a lot of pride involved and why this isn’t usually done. Each person feels like a victim and each person is a victim.they both were abused and hurt. It isnt either lovers fault. It is circumstance. That is why it never works out cause both people are trying to blame the other one. If both people would work on healing and not worrying about who is right or wrong then love would be continued through snail crawling toward love together. It could only be of both people heal and become whole as separate people. You have to be whole to truly love another person.

      So what you are saying isnt usually possible unless both people are willing to grow and stop letting pride dictate their love together. Pride kill love on both parts. So it is best to leave of they cant put pride away and stop trying to be right instead worry about healing and changing their perspectives on how to heal apart as well as together. You see what I am saying? Most people re too proud and its best for both to leave of both people cant lose their pride.

      • **It is NOT for lack of compassion and understanding** my phone autocorrects and I dont proof read sorry. Just use context clues to get my message across. Thank guys. 🙂

    • Yep if I ever saw one. It toxic shame and toxic humiliation that drives all this. If they could just stop being so damn proud then I believe they could really be happy in life. They are all too worried about looking stupid or unintelligent. I’m a dumbass a lot and laugh at my own mess ups. If I hurt someone I sincerely apologize and try not to do that again. They get overwhelmed with shame if someone sees them looking dumb or acting dumb and get humiliated.

      That causes for their outburst. They are humiliated cause they are too proud. We should be balanced and not have too much of anything in our personality. They have too much ego. They hate themselves so much they have to be right all the time or they.completely get humiliated and it triggers anger and fear.

      Its people who could give a fuck less what anyone thinks about them that ate imo the healthiest people. Well with a fortitude of remorse and a conscience of course but the ones who can not get offended at every single criticism is the most balanced and healthy.

      They realize just because some else has a problem doesn’t mean that I have to have a problem. They are able to consciously evaluate their own reactions to emotional stimuli. I’m not saying if someone is emotionally clearly attacking you that if you get defensive or upset that is unhealthy but if we are completely sound emotionally we wouldn’t truly give a rats ass what they think about us.

      That’s how those emotionally sick people suck us in and create us to be sucked into the vortex is our own ego. They stroke it and them crush it and it causes overwhelming emotions but if we healed then they cant create an ego vortex. Lol that’s what I’m damn calling it. It is really simple when you realize its all because they are embarrassed to look stupid. That’s really it. Make them look or feel stupid and you will see the worst in them. Only sick people act this way too, disagree with someone about something they said to you that you didn’t completely agree with and don’t be copasetic and you will see what I mean. Its the easiest way to spot someone who will hurt you later on.

      That same need to be right all the time will have them doing no moral things they want to do when you are not meeting every need they have cause they can’t self soothe. They will reach out towards other lovers for compassion and leave you high and dry cause its your fault they weren’t happy and they had to go somewhere else to fill that void.

      It is just the beginning in a long list of lies and deceits they will do cause they feel like it cause their ego and I.d. Desires that in the moment. They all completely lack the super ego and that is what makes someone complete. Try to explain it to one and they will have a blank stare. They don’t get what you are talking about. They don’t see they lack a super ego cause their ego is huge.

      Once that bubble burst they are shamed and will hide and point blame. It is all to protect their ego. Imma make a shirt that says” its an ego thang…” I am wrong a lot but i don’t attack people or try to be passive aggressive to hurt them but I will be passive aggressive to show them how obvious their passive aggressive behaviors are though which prolly isnt the best idea but its better than them having a damn cow cause I don’t agree. I’m working on that actually. Not sure if its even worth saying cause I don’t even care enough to argue about the shit half the time.

      I never know how to tell someone they are being an ass cause well I’m an ass at times too but these people want to hurt people cause they feel powerful and strong. Im sorry if someone has to hurt someone to feel strong then they are clearly the wink link. Maybes its a jealousy thing or envy thing??? Its definitey a thing…

  5. Up date from my posts above
    Wow my ex went above and beyond other week , as we know they seek revenge came home from work and a pair of my jeans that was left at her house when we split , was on the bonnet of my car , all cut up and written all over them calling me a c**t etc etc , she wrote all over my car in permant marker too , that was just the start same night she came back at 1am and tried to attack me , threw a brick at me outside my house , had a knife in her bag and sent me 30 voicemails as she was blocked threatening me and my family to stab me , kill me etc
    I knew she was mental but this got right out of hand , I called the police she got arrested and they taken her phone to check her messages , on bail for 3 weeks so see what the outcome is
    This women who’s 46 is dangerous and has chronic bpd and has proved to me the sheer anger and craziness , found out she slept with at least 7 guys I know that’s not including the ones I don’t know about errrrrrr and basically has lived her life as a total whore but painted the picture she was Virgin Mary ! Her lies are shocking
    Lied about having cancer , I mean who actually does that so so wrong on the very level
    I never knew there was people that sick out there and thank god I am away from her
    Her fading looks will snare another victim but god help him cause she can’t change .
    She has long dyed black hair and my new name for her is (BLACK WIDOW) as like the spider they snare there partner have sex then kill them , that’s her game in life is to just ruin men’s lives and it’s a disgrace to to the human race . Maybe it’s a illness but I cannot believe the sheer evil of this women , men beware of this women and other the same

    • Just count yourself lucky she hasn’t gone to the police to accuse you of crimes. This may have been traumatic, but now they’ll be on notice if she tries to paint you the bad guy.

      Permanent marker comes right off with rubbing alcohol, by the way.

    • Did she torture you with sex like mine did? Acting like she didn’t really enjoy sex or accusing you of starting problems after the rare sex you did have? Or was it like some where she fucked a lot and fucked to keep you hooked? I am just curious about how exactly she painted virgin mary picture? Mine did the same after telling me she was a nympho into beastiality and fucked 50 people. She later changed the number to 30 and it kept going down but I’m almost positive she was fucking ever “friend” that was around her. She thinks I didn’t know how people act with you after they have fucked you. She treats me like I was a complete idiot all the time and like my own insticts were completely wrong and it somehow made me insane to know things she never told me. I’m not a damn idiot! I have not fucked a bunch of people bit if that is what she is basing her intelligence off of well I guess in the sex category then I’m lagging. I am not skilled at how to manipulate people and read them and I don’t have the damn patience to even play those types of games with people I dont care about. Seems like a waste of time to me but I guess for them its nice to have a slew of people that follow them around believing their garbage so they never run outbof narcissistic supply.

      I was tortured with sex after she made it like I was going to hit the jack pot bit never cashed in cause the promises were empty and her impossible ideals of the was a human should treat someone being dumped on and treated like garbage were completely irrational.if you treated her exactly the way she wanted and never questioned anything odd she said or did she would tease you and then just lay there and act like she was getting a fucking prize for being a complete nutcase. Then she would start up some fight as if she got hers now fuck off and create a crazy bubble around me to act as though her lying to me two days later about what she was doing had something to do with the sex ot something and then slam every good moment of it with pure disgust.

      It was her way of taking back the sex she did give by making it a horrible memory. Saying she didn’t eve want to or mean the I love you just any nasty low blow to destroy good feelings. Cuz just cuz we fucked I was supposed to kiss her ass and allow her to lie and betray me as much as she please. It was comical how delusional this woman was. She was on some high with her ex pushing in and me there not giving up like she begged and pleaded and cry for over and over. I always knew when he was around cause she would reject me and lie about what she said and how she said she felt.

      She would start lying to my face. I’m glad the guy took her away and he’s in for a treat with that nut job. I just didn’t want her to kill herself but once he came in I said take it away captain. He thought he was winning a prize. I gave her to him is more like it. I stopped kissing her ass and stopped making her feel good for hurting me and she hated me for it and jumped right for him. It was perfect cause I hate hearing people threaten to die. It makes me feel bad even though I didn’t deserve to be hurt those ways.i couldn’t convince her she was convinced i was trying to hurt her and she was also triangulating us. She turned him against me like he had to save her just like she wanted. She left cause he is the weaker one. He lets her do whatever she wants and I one day he will regret that.

  6. She no doubt say somthing to the police but is what it is , I haven’t done no wrong to this devil
    I will fight my corner with whatever it takes , she will not ruin (me) another mans life
    I know now she cried to police years ago saying her husband hit her etc so hopfully that’s on record so they can see what she is like , they know she has mental health issues , and yea t-cut got out the writing on my car

    • Damn! That is one crazy ass bitch. My got I know she sounds like the waif type. Making up having cancer is the same as mine did she says she has crohns but one day I went over to her house and she had about ten bottle of laxatives out on the counter. I was like hmmm I think this chick is taking her goddam illness too. She would literally text guys aying she was ill and shitting her pants and throwing up while at my house acting fine as hell but naked. I truly felt she was evil too but its a desperate cry for attention.

      You must have been ignoring her and that sends them into a rage if she isn’t done with you yet. I noticed once they find someone else they ignore you and you search for closure they make fun of you to everyone. While she so sick said she couldn’t get out of bed and later tells storied of driving to Ohio to see a concert and going to shows and stuff forgetting she said she was in bed sick. Doesn’t see why it infuriated me to catch her lying to other people and myself all the damn time. She only had one scar on her belly and it was from her appendix. I never saw any other scars and she claimed to have two major surgeries. She used being sick to guilt trip people to not get mad at her abhorrent and horrible and abusive behavior. Even her own mother thinks she’s lying cause she’s only acting sick when she needs attention or someone to forgive her so she can continue abusing them. Its pathetic.

      She would run to the hospital if I called her out on a lie or something she was doing to abuse me and then flip it like I sent her to the hospital or get me to feel sorry for her when she was the one causing serious problems not me. Like I said she went 4 times one month and started blaming me for her health issues but I don’t believe there are any at all but its mental. They are very very sick and think people are objects. They don’t value your life or their own. They will kill you if you let them. You must be doing something right cause she hates your guts and that means you ate not doing what she wants. Good for you. Stand strong. You got this!

  7. Thank you for this post. I am recovering from quite a nasty relationship, except I didn’t escape of my own accord. I was chewed up and spit out. She started by cheating on me and trying to cuckold me. She would say she was going to break it off with the other guy and end the abuse, then she would go to his house while I was watching our 2 year old daughter and fuck him. The relationship ended when I found her pregnancy test. She was already pregnant by the guy she was cheating on me with. Just days and weeks before, she was professing her undying love for me. I was a wreck for at least half a year, and now I’m recovering, defending my parental rights, and more importantly I’m on a crusade. People need to know this is a real thing, and know the warning signs so they can protect themselves and the ones they love. I wasted six years on a parasite. I wasted so much money, could have been infected with random STD’s and destroyed friendships by sticking up for this sociopath. I hope everyone takes your warnings to heart. This is a race you can only win by dropping out. You can’t change them, and you can’t ever be good enough to make them happy. They will always cheat and abuse you. Run as fast as you can and cut off all communication immediately. You’ve been warned….

    • Dont wish her well! Just work on being happy and learning to love and accept yourself, so much that you never allow anyone to dictate your self value. That is the problem with these situations that o on for years. The guy is allowing some girl to dictate his own self worth and value. Once you realize only how you feel about your own value matters its easy. There isn’t. Anyone who can love. You like yourself. Saying anything to that girl is a mistake she will suck you back in with empty promises and lute you into an emotional trap. Each time you even socialize with someone who had degraded you or insulted your intelligence and used you, you are saying I don’t love an respect myself and am looking for another to tell me I’m lovable. They hurt your self esteem badly.

      It takes years to completely repair the ego damage these girls cause. They suck the dignity and pride out of your life but once you learn you never ever desire to speak to them again. You still are wanting her to heal your broken pride. It isn’t worth the time or energy plus the best revenge on these women is to be happy. Go live your life and e happy. When she sees how happy you are without her it kills them inside. Even if they dont love you it still hurts them they are gree(jealous,possesive) people. They can’t survive without chaos and drama, it makes them feel alive. Usually men who love high maintenance women are also numb to the world and desire conflict to feel alive. It is a sign you are not whole and happy inside yourself.. They all cyber stalk. All of them with their exs. It isn’t flattering its a search for control. When you leave you take control. That’s the only way to get any ego strokes. Trust me. They only want you when you don’t want them.youncant trick the system and play like you don’t if you contact them in any form they know you miss them and love them. If you ignore them they will yearn for you the rest of their lives and the minute you give in to their cries you lose. They instantly go ohh he’s weak why would he want me after what I did I deserve better than him. Take their desire for you when you don’t talk as the only form of ego stroke you will get and leave it at that. Dont listen to a word these women say. Only actions matter. That’s something I learned in dating other women now. Never listen to what they say. Watch how they behave and act and treat you as other people. It is who they are the words ate just peoples perceptions of themselves and what they think they ate but isn’t always true and with them its never true. All their life is in denial so all they think is warped and projected from insecurities.

      I got more attention leaving this broad then I did together. Its ass backwards but I have watched her act desperate to. Contact. Me since I left. She spoofs calls and text to communicate her need to contact me and hide cause she is too proud to say sorry and too afraid I will reject her. So she hides. She doesn’t want me to know know that she is missing me and my attention for her. She craves it. They always do eventually miss everything and you will get more by not saying a damn word then even saying one word. One word and you lose all the power. You want control over this broad and to make her show you how she feels then never speak to her as long as She will go crazy to have you.and bother you for years and years and years. It will be all you will get , like personalized show but if she stars stalking you make that unacceptable. Cyber stalking or text and phone calls are avoidable. Don’t let her be intrusive . I’m telling you its the only way. They will make you the ex they talk about all the time and how they loved you the most. They love the person who loves them the least.

  8. Yes anyone who comes looking for answers seriously run run run
    They are psychos , my ex still trying to contact every now and then
    Threats and slagging me off to the world , fuck her I don’t give a shit , anyone who knows that slapper knows she is mental and full of shit it’s so very very sad for a 40 + women to act like a child ha , truly sad , I hate her and next bloke will get 3 months of hot sex yea but the shit that will hit the fan just ain’t worth it , she wasn’t that good anyway
    Oh she thought she was gods gift , nah mate u devils gift simple as that
    I have no feelings at all , only anger for being mugged , but as people say she will have a life of shitty dramas and be the one on her own cause she can’t hold a man or friend longer than few months , year if they stupid enough to stay ! Yes I have gone hard NC and staying that way cause it’s the only way , they hate it but that’s the least they deserve
    no point in any form of revenge cause that will piss then off more and cause more trouble
    NC and just let them get on ruining there own lives it’s all you can do as they will ruin it themselves , forget about them and move on and enjoy life , I am . Holidays , dates, days out with the boys , life’s good again don’t forget your life before these animals came into our lives
    Reclaim your life people

    • I still am damn angry too so I feel you. It is best If you try to date other women and stop yourself from thinking about it. I have had bout of anger about it all for two damn years. Lol I just only talk or socialize with very kindhearted gentle women now. It really does start creating indifference after a while and the anger jist fades away.

      It stays longer if I keep interacting with her at all. Each time I talked to her I prolonged my disappointment in myself and why the hell I was talking to someone who degraded me and then thinks I owe them an apology! They are delusional creatures. Creatures NOT women who deserve anything but to be shunned from society.

  9. Thank you so much for writing this! Obviously I don’t need to go back into much detail but a couple years back my life was greatly turned upside down by a woman and I. could never put the pieces together of what the fuck happened and why? My mother is a psychoanalyst and dropped this “Bpd” title and just reading about it and then more specifically your article about dating a girl with it; seems like a light bulb finally turned on in my head. It all makes so sense now. I definitely shield myself if I recognize these “bpd” character traits now, simply because I have to. The thing is I attract them without really trying. It’s fucked. Thank you so much for this article it helped me a lot.

  10. Hey, I’m a bpd female, nearly 40 years old, been diagnosed since I was 18.

    I don’t want to crash in here and invalidate your relationship trauma. What you feel, it is what it is.

    To the person who asked if there was a cure, I’m sorry to say, no. There is no cure. There are therapies that can help manage our external behaviour, but it’s skill based, and that means getting up every damn day, and trying to remember all the skills, to put them in place for every hard to handle emotion, which there are many, each day, for picking which one to use, for picking another when that one doesn’t work. It gets boring, it gets tiring and there are days you just want to get up and not have to think about using the skills.

    Things like radical acceptance aren’t permanent, you have to revisit it over and over and over. And when you just can’t, you have to use other skills to cope with the distress levels you feel, just to get through the day without being a risk to yourself or others.

    I know it’s not only bpd that have felt like they are alone, even in a crowded room but that’s a pretty accurate description.

    There are ways to lessen that, communication, honesty, reaching out, heart in hand, for most with bpd that is a terrifying prospect (the whole fear of rejection thing, even fear of burdening others)

    There are the high end bpd’ers and the silent ones, those are the ones that know something is wrong and don’t want to burden or harm anyone so keep it all inside and don’t ask for help. It’s not healthy either.

    As a bpd’er who has had intensive dbt therapy, I know you have to strike a balance.

    I did cuckold my husband, my npd husband. The only man I have ever cheated on, but then the only man I risked having a long term relationship with. Bpd’ers are drawn to npd men like moths to a flame and vice versa. And yes, what can you expect from such a relationship? Chaos and pain.

    We had a threesome, I believe to save our relationship, but it was awful, for both of us, psychologically.

    I’m not even going to talk about the ways in which I was abused by him, I feel it’s pointless here, fear that I’ll be unbelieved or mocked maybe? Or it will be viewed as an attack on men in general, when it’s far from it. If it helps, he never really loved me, I was a cover story for his being in the closet that I didn’t find out until much later, seems everyone knew but me.

    Anyway, in a long term relationship with a man I adore. He is laid back, things don’t get to him too easily, he is dominant when needed yes, I can’t speak for all bpd women, but I know I find being dominated but also feeling nurtured and protected. The part that helps the most? We Bpd’ers are not good at knowing appropriate boundaries with others or ourselves. We are really gaslighted which builds resentment.

    We have a written agreement, my limits, his limits. Included are known triggers. I’ve never been violent towards anyone and couldn’t even dream of that. Verbally? Hrm.. I have a long fuse, when I snap, I’m intelligent and yes can be cutting with my words, which are truth, no name calling, just truths that perhaps I present in a more gentle and tactful way when I’m not upset. Is that OK? No. And I make reparations, add i believe all of us should do when we speak from anger rather than from a place of love.

    It’s sad to see us spoken of in a way that dehumanises us. I’m sorry that you’re experiences have left you feeling that way, and of course, it’s important that you do what you need to protect your own heart (and sanity) from those who might harm it.

    I’m just sorry that you feel this way towards all Bpd’ers because of one woman.

    I’m sorry that you feel so badly about women in general too though.

    Bpd is often a result of childhood trauma it’s true, compassion goes a long way, though I get that it is difficult for you to see that because of your ex.

    Shortstraw please don’t see her as just a slut and a training ground, her shame is true for her, and shame, as any therapist will tell you, is one of the hardest emotions to deal with. She likely has felt used her entire life, but blames herself too. She may be a sexual being and in a battle with that side of her, for genuine reasons.

    And no, we refuse to play games, because we long for something real, and it takes so much effort for us to trust, believe etc for it to just be no more than a game. You don’t need to crack us or break us, if we’re too difficult for you to handle, that’s OK too, you can choose not to be with anyone with bpd, as is your absolute right.

    There are men that can though. My man is one. (he also has the dbt skills manual and has a better understanding of bpd and what actually helps me to stay in control of my own behaviour)

    • Refuse to play games? Ha! BPDs are utterly gullible. Sure, they may not want to play games when they realize what’s going on, and they don’t manipulate on purpose, but: By all external appearances, they incessantly manipulate, and they are exceedingly vulnerable to manipulation.

      When you understand how to manipulate a BPD, two things result: One is that you can pimp them – not literally, as that is a crime – but they do slip quite naturally into the whore role when you go pimp. Fun and profit.

      The other is that you can detach yourself from the emotional attachment. Seeing them easily manipulated takes the mystery out of it.

      As I’ve said repeatedly, though, this is not a game for the faint of heart. I was able to indulge in it as I already had kids with a good woman. Is it an evil game? No – she is a willing participant.

      Spare us the “Don’t be negative on all BPDs because …” BPDs wreck men. They make them commit suicide, they waste men’s lives, they get them thrown in jail. I’m happy for you that you have acknowledged your disorder and are able to work with it, but the majority don’t. They continue wandering around spreading misery. They’re BPD Marys, infecting people’s lives. I even tried to get BPD2 to understand that she had the disorder, but she refused. I still get contact from her, presumably whenever one of her flings crashes and burns.

      A peripheral effect I’ve noticed in myself: My mother is NPD, and the struggle with defining what’s real and what’s not does not go away. I honestly sometimes feel like I need to do the Exorcist closing scene, jumping headfirst out a window to kill this demon that lives in my head. It’s awful to live with an undiagnosed, unadmitted personality disorder individual. Their warping of reality leaves you unable to trust yourself. I’m sure BPDs do the same to their families, along with the other Cluster B disorder sufferers.

      Finally, you might find a little added solace in recognizing the heritability of Cluster B. It’s fashionable to blame childhood trauma, but I don’t buy it; if there is trauma, it is likely a result of the parent’s personality disorder, not the cause of the child’s disorder. Having raised children to near adult, I can tell you the traits observed early on persist; they’re quite resilient. Far more likely is that the disorder is related to self identity functioning in the brain. The Cluster B’s all seem to share an inability to form their own self, and to see their self as like other people’s selves. It runs in my family, and my brother innocently comment once that he felt oddly unable to understand that other people had selves. Like an autist, unable to fundamentally distinguish between another person and a refrigerator.

      • Willing is not the same as informed consent. I typed a bunch out then phone died, I’ll try another time.

        I feel sad still that you’re so deeply affected by being hurt by a woman with bpd (or anyone) that you can’t recognise that you aren’t getting power back by having such an unhealthy relationship now.

        I’m of course making my own assumptions about how maybe you thought love could fix her, how kindness could make everything better and how you could change her life, turn it around 180. And when she hurt you, as heartbroken as you were, you didn’t actually just stop caring, but.. You realised you couldn’t fix it, you were helpless, that no matter how much you gave, how much you loved..

        And so in some way you think playing this game gives you back the power. Only it doesn’t, because you’ve lost sight of who you are, before all this, above all this, beneath all this.. You’re giving that woman who hurt you so much power, power over you and over everyone you allow it to affect now.

        And all the time you are still hurting from what she did, underneath, because if you weren’t, you’d be enjoying healthy stable relationships.

        Why? What is it worth? Don’t let her keep controlling you! Is this all you think you’re worth now? Don’t you think you deserve more than this?

        I do. Yeah it’s sad love can’t fix us, even years and years of therapy can’t cure us.. At most we simply ‘manage’ our condition.

        It’s not you’re fault. You don’t have to hold onto what happened between you so tightly.. Life will just keep on rolling, like it does.. She’ll keep repeating patterns.. Maybe one day she’ll get help to manage, but until then..

        No matter what though.. She was that way long before you even knew she existed and that won’t ever be your fault.

        I know I sound like a right twat, I just wanted to reach out to speak to more than just some words on a screen.

        I don’t care about being fashionable, my was just day after day of trying to block it all out, trying not to remember, trying not to have emotions, learning mind over matter, mastering my own brain from such a young age.. To feel nothing, think nothing, see nothing, hear nothing.. But all that’s only an illusion.. Because you do feel it, you see it, you hear it.. And the seconds passed slowly.. Screaming out loud or silently in my own head.. Either way nobody seemed to hear..invisible. But you’re a child and you think all adults know everything.. So..

        But that’s fashion.. I guess.

        Anyway, that’s letting out the messed up side of me right? Confirms to everyone I’m just like all the others, trying to act the victim, to get sympathy, to manipulate.. So may as well write off anything I’ve said..likely nothing I’ve said is true anyway…

        Except.. When it rings true? When you can actually feel that what I say is true? When you know I’m right and that the true you, the person on the know you are better than all this.. You can see in your own mind, when you close your eyes, being with the ‘right woman’, in a good, clean, healthy.. Loving and kind relationship.. With all this hurt and pain behind you..

        And you know that this path isn’t bringing you closer to that authentic self.. To the kind, loving and good you.

        Do you tell yourself I’m talking crazy or manipulating you can carry on this path.. Just laughing this away.. Or do you take stock and think.. I know I’m more than what I am right now.. And I know I can become the person I believe myself to be..

        • hahaha I love it when bpd females try to tell people what’s what. YOU LIVE IN A CARTOON WORLD! No one who is aware of what is going on takes you seriously. Go find some dumb thirsty dude to ruin.

          • Why assume I want to ruin anyone? What have I said to offend? I’ve told you that you are better than to hold onto pain and use it to try to destroy someone else. Why lower your own values?

            Something I truly believe is that when we hold anger and hate in our hearts, we’ve allowed the bad to seep into our own self, our own spirit and being. We become part of it, no longer a victim, but a perpetrator. We start to spread that anger and hate and negativity with others, becoming the cause of harm to others. We can try to justify it and excuse it, but just as you won’t ‘excuse’ the bpd’er, you can’t ‘excuse’ yourself for poor patterns of behaviour, no matter what was done to you.

            What do they say about the abused becomes the abuser? Or the bullied becomes the bully? The excuses are always the same, that they got hurt so they are justified in causing hurt to others?

            I’m not attacking you, like most adults haven’t been there at some time in their lives, bitter, angry, hurt and lashing out, but truly, I’m telling you that it only ever hurts yourself more than others when you hold onto anger and hate.

            It doesn’t hurt me if you lash out at me, because you’re a stranger to me, you’re uninformed opinions of me are empty words on a screen, they don’t ring true for me, so they can’t effect me, no matter how much you want them to.

            They hurt you though, because they come from you, from everything boiling over inside, and they’ll continue to hurt you until you let them go. Like I said, I’m sorry you’ve been hurt, so deeply affected you’ve ended up on a life mission to retaliate and hurt back.

            It’s true that hurt people, hurt people. No matter how much you try to lash out at me, that will remain the truth, but I don’t want to antagonise that, so unless you request further response, I will leave you be and hope you find your own inner peace.

          • A fresh epiphany, hot off the presses, for any and all to consume: The differences between people are less a function of their mental health, or not, than they are a function of their self awareness, or lack thereof.

            Once you become self aware, introspective, you can self monitor, viewing your inner state as something apart from your Self. This enables all manner of feedback and control, and what’s more, frees you from the spell that your emotions, and other behavioral patterns, hold you under.

            The pattern that one sees in woahe’s behavior is familiar. What I wrote here on EK’s blog comments struck a chord in her. Now, it’s more or less reasonable to be compelled to chime in; I’ve seen plenty of BPDs stomp into comment sections pleading that they need love, too, and the angry men are the ones with the problem.

            However, the real lesson lies in the subtleties. Woahe repeatedly urges me to “let go of the anger and pain”. Sounds appealing, right? Who wouldn’t want to be free of anger and pain?

            This points to an explanation of why BPDs are so compelling and addicting. They are endlessly outward-focused. They formulate extensive descriptions of others. I heard astonishing stories about childhoods, marriages, loves, sexual encounters – they are vivid storytellers.

            This becomes addicting because they are so intrusive and personal. What man doesn’t want to be Truly Understood? However, it’s largely a cold reading trick: They stab around with explanations, feeling for the response. When a hit is found, on they go. I’m angry? Why yes! Of course! How incredibly well you know me!

            I believe BPDs do this because they are so uncomfortable with their own self; they turn their own attention away from themselves, outward, to the others in their lives.

            If a BPD – if any Cluster B – ever gains the power of introspection, their outward behavior changes markedly. The observation of others largely stops. At least this is what I have seen based on my limited online interactions. It is difficult to attain, however, because the first thing they would tell you is that they study themselves very carefully. Unfortunately, what they are studying very carefully is the effect that others have on themselves.

            You can’t shut them up, you can’t fix them, and in my experience, it’s even tough to get them to go away for good. You can learn The Game, but it’s not for the faint of heart. I ultimately concluded it was a waste of time. Learned a lot, but it was no viable long-term strategy.

          • I didn’t need to ‘cold read’ you, anger is evident and also a natural reaction to what you’ve been through and can be noticed by all.

            As said I was offering some advice that is useful to all, recall that part of my own treatment included dbt, and the skill of letting go and radical acceptance. Dbt skills aren’t only useful to those with personality disorders. I’m not imparting any kind of new information nor have I ‘blamed’ you or said you are the problem.

            I will however leave this as my closing statement rather than become embroiled in any argument with you. If you want to discuss anything with me, I prefer to be addressed directly, otherwise I wish you well.

          • The observations of others are persistent and, of course, unarguable.

            The difference is: Anyone can observe and assess others. The question is why, to what advantage? Therapists do it because they’re paid to.

            Borderlines do it because they’re obsessed with the outer world, finding their inner world frightening.

            This unwittingly sets a trap for others. Who doesn’t like attention paid to themselves? However, they get tired and uncomfortable, and need a break, usually resorting to paranoid anger to justify the retreat.

          • Bit confused, are you saying I’m angry?

            I advised because I felt bad for you. I shared advice that I believe in and rings true to me. Why do I believe in it? Because it helped me. I let go of the anger, I accepted the pain (yeah that scary internal stuff you mentioned) and it reduced and made life easier.

            What else might I benefit from this interaction?

            I know I can’t change your opinion of those with bpd, and as has been said, I believe, unless they’ve been through effective therapy, you’re right to hold that opinion and avoid.

            I’m in a committed relationship, with no romantic ideas about a faceless stranger on the internet who has a poor opinion of all women with dbt, and quite honestly, would treat anyone in the manner you’ve described (not my thing).

            And I’m aware of your measured responses that may well be cleverly designed to keep me on that hook for the ‘game’ you said you like to play, that I said I wouldn’t get involved with.

            Each response to give has been set up, intentionally or not, to ensure that should I respond it will ‘prove you right’ and should I not respond it will ‘prove you right’

            Take your last comment ‘but then they need a break, usually resorting to paranoid anger to justify the retreat’

            So now, if I stay to discuss your reply, correct you saying I’m angry or paranoid, I haven’t followed through with leaving and you’ve proven how easy it is to manipulate me as well as proving I’m paranoid.

            On the other hand, if I don’t come back, I prove I ‘need a break’ and as I haven’t corrected you regarding angry and paranoid, the assumption would be that you must have been correct.

            Either way though, I’m still going to graciously duck out and pass, because I’m not here to ‘win’ anything, I saw a link to the article, I came to look, I saw, I read. It was interesting to read someone else’s perspective, some parts I could identify with in the past, some parts now, some in others that I’ve met.

            For me though, the part that struck a chord was that I could feel pain caused by being used, abused etc… A pain that makes you act out and lash out – why? Because I’ve been there.

            And regardless what you believe about me, I would like to live in a better more peaceful caring world. I’ve learnt we can only change ourselves, not others and that we have to be the change we want to see.

            I’m a big fan of Buddhist mindfulness rather than just the dbt watered down version.

            I’m also a fan of people like Eckhart Tolle and Jon Kabbat-Zin.

            That’s not to say I’m never angry or immediately let everything go, it means I can let myself feel it all and then let go, it comes back, I allow myself to feel it again, I look at why it’s come back, face it and let it go again when I’m ready.

            I believe we look for others faults and to place blame to avoid looking at our own, in that sense you’re correct, but that isn’t exclusively bpd, that’s the common reason anyone looks for others faults rather than looking for their own, or at least if they’re looking to criticise your faults rather than to help.

            But I’ll admit my advice wasn’t asked for and I can see it’s unwanted and I apologise.

            This is definitely me leaving you alone this time, you stated its hard to get rid of us, and I really don’t want to make anyone feel that way.

            I’m not coming back to correct anything, I think that at this time, you need to think the way you do, more than you need any advice or help or to let go of anger, and that’s OK too.

          • They never give up. It goes on and on and on.

            Betcha anything woahe comes back yet again to help. It sure feels good to know someone I’ve never met cares so much about me.

      • Someone else. Sadly I couldn’t maintain my marriage. I can’t make a man straight. I don’t think even being attractive could have done that?

        Anyway, no i don’t think I’m physically attractive but I do think I’m a good person and in 40 years I’ve attracted many genuinely good people around me. I feel I have better friends than most and sometimes wonder what on earth they could see in someone like me.. But blessed I am.

        By good people, I mean people I respect, who I’m inspired by, who hold good and strong values I admire.. And who I feel proud to call my friends.

        I feel I have strong values too, because as you know, those with bpd start out without an ego.. They are lost and don’t know who they are..but that means we can carve out for ourselves, by design, who we want to be.

        We can think about what we feel is important in life, what values we wish to have and to hold, priorities.. Being someone whose sensitive and emotional, I feel makes that an easier task.. Because I can know what rings true..

        Yeah OK, we have to overcome things like trust issues and that fear of abandonment.. We have to learn to let go over and over and over.. We have to analyse each decision before we make it (am I being reactive? Is this a wise mind healthy choice?) but who doesn’t have issues?

        If you think it’s because attractive girls will cheat as can get all the guys, I can tell you that as unattractive as I am, I know I ‘could’ get other guys in bed very easily if I were that way inclined, but I think cheating is wrong and inexcusable. So I don’t.

        Any guy makes moves on me, I point them in the direction of my boyfriend. 🙂

        Monogamy is something special.. Why ruin it? Like I say, I’ve cheated once only.. It wasn’t exciting, there were no benefits, it didn’t make my life feel better etc.. It’s a million steps backwards in terms of pride, dignity, self respect, self love, self worth, self esteem.. Even if we remove the morality aspects and the fact it hurts others.. It hurts yourself.

        Anyway it’s late so I rambled and totally off topics I guess.

  11. So I totally understand that this was hard for you but I don’t hear anything about her or you caring about her or worrying about her or trying to help her get better. Isn’t that what you do when you love someone?

  12. I honest to god can’t tell if you’re trolling or you’re actually retarded. Because it’s not possible for someone with an IQ higher than their age to write some if the dumb shit you just wrote.

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