I have been gone for almost a whole week going on a road trip by myself, it was necessary as I was going slightly stir crazy, it was a really good trip to mediate on some insights and come to some new conclusions. I did this about as hard core as possible with a vehicle, I bought a whole bunch of bread and water for my food, and slept in my truck on the side of the road.
First, it is insane how HARD it is to decide to get up and go. The bubble we live in really conditions us to always stay within it, I dont have facebook or twitter but those lock you in even more, after all how can someone leave with emails and tweets piling up? You can always leave ‘soon’ and after a while ‘soon’ has spilled over a month.
Another insight was how bad I wanted to return to the safety of the bubble. I talked to a friend of mine about this, he thought it was because the risk of death ‘outside the bubble’ was so much higher, and subconsciously we knew this, I was inclined to agree. I did not have a circle of friends I could go visit, I did not know anyone here, I did not know where to go, all of my survival was in my own hands.
Next was the somewhat depressing ‘same old shit’ EVERYWHERE. I would come over mountain passes, traverse hundreds of miles, and everywhere the towns were the same, people bitching about life, working dead end jobs, living in the exact same houses with junk in the front as everyone else through hundreds and hundreds of miles. It left me with a very dark realization that very few people amount to anything, and our utter replace-ability (yes females that means you too)
Perhaps the last major insight I had was while meditating under a waterfall, thinking about my own disposability, both as a male and in this society. I was watching this crashing water around me, and thinking how each of those water drops was disposable as well, but you know what? They gave a shit about disposability, they were going to strike as hard and as fast as they could to the rocks below. Their disposability gave them power, no one expected much out of them, so it was completely freeing because they were underestimated. And when all is said and done and people get hit by the freight train of will and drive by a disposable male they only thing they will say is ‘woah, where the hell did he come from!?’