On the road again…

Here I go again on my own Going down the only road I’ve ever known

I have been gone for almost a whole week going on a road trip by myself, it was necessary as I was going slightly stir crazy, it was a really good trip to mediate on some insights and come to some new conclusions.  I did this about as hard core as possible with a vehicle, I bought a whole bunch of bread and water for my food, and slept in my truck on the side of the road.

First, it is insane how HARD it is to decide to get up and go.  The bubble we live in really conditions us to always stay within it, I dont have facebook or twitter but those lock you in even more, after all how can someone leave with emails and tweets piling up?  You can always leave ‘soon’ and after a while ‘soon’ has spilled over a month.

Another insight was how bad I wanted to return to the safety of the bubble.  I talked to a friend of mine about this, he thought it was because the risk of death ‘outside the bubble’ was so much higher, and subconsciously we knew this, I was inclined to agree.  I did not have a circle of friends I could go visit, I did not know anyone here, I did not know where to go, all of my survival was in my own hands.

Next was the somewhat depressing ‘same old shit’ EVERYWHERE.  I would come over mountain passes, traverse hundreds of miles, and everywhere the towns were the same, people bitching about life, working dead end jobs, living in the exact same houses with junk in the front as everyone else through hundreds and hundreds of miles.  It left me with a very dark realization that very few people amount to anything, and our utter replace-ability (yes females that means you too)

Perhaps the last major insight I had was while meditating under a waterfall, thinking about my own disposability, both as a male and in this society.  I was watching this crashing water around me, and thinking how each of those water drops was disposable as well, but you know what?  They gave a shit about disposability, they were going to strike as hard and as fast as they could to the rocks below.  Their disposability gave them power, no one expected much out of them, so it was completely freeing because they were underestimated.  And when all is said and done and people get hit by the freight train of will and drive by a disposable male they only thing they will say is ‘woah, where the hell did he come from!?’


11 thoughts on “On the road again…

  1. Interesting post…

    I don’t have much advice to give…

    for myself, it’s try to find something worth living for like music or mountainbiking…

    for other guys, it’s stick their dicks in as many pussies as possible…

    the think about the water made me think of some Eastern military philosophy I had red years ago which said to be flexible like the water…

    I think it was 5 scrolls/5 rings, something like earth wind and fire all having powerful traits…

  2. What you’re talking about is a basic with the philosophy of the Stoics of Ancient Greece. Look them up and you’ll find a lot, Marcus Aurelius’ book Meditation is probably the best known.
    Point is life isn’t worth anything, but that didn’t stop those guys from kicking ass and it shouldn’t stop you either. Life has it’s BS so find what you want to do and do it, there will always be BS so you just gotta take what comes and realize that’s life and to not let it bother you so much.

    Similarly I recently read a story about Fyodor Dostoevsky, he was caught with a revolutionary group in Russia and after some months they were sentenced to death. While being led to the firing squad in a public square and facing death a messenger arrived with a reprieve. The Czar knew all along he would let them live but wanted them to sweat it out for a while. After that Dostoevsky went beastmode with his writing and wrote all his famous novels. He knew life was short and didn’t want to get bogged down in anything that put him in the bubble as you say.

    Just a few things to think about.

  3. I’m not reminded of the men of Ancient Greece so much as Thoreau.

    Also Hemingway, “Happiness in intelligent people is the rarest thing I know.”

  4. Disposability and it’s meaning really doesn’t pertain to human life. Consumer goods, waste products are disposable. Human life, no matter how insignificant it is perceived, always holds value. Why do we go through almost absurd machinist ions to keep life going at the end of our run? Because the value of living and life is so sweet we want to prolong it regardless of cost.
    Now does that value extend beyond the eternal dirt nap that awaits us all? I can’t claim I know for certain, but the notoriety of the way the life was lived would determine that.

    • Thanks for commenting, I would say collectively as a people, we are not at all yet come to grips with death, and if there is a ‘meaning’ of life, so we hang onto it at the end, regretting perhaps an unlived life.

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