I had forgotten my own lessons – nothing else matters

The lesson I had forgotten was thus: “Unless you are fucking the girl, NOTHING else matters”

Despite having one of the most amazing conversations I had ever had with a girl (http://wp.me/p2YaVQ-dC) , the girl being desperate to stay in contact that she GAVE me her info without my asking, and even talking to her on the phone later…none of it mattered.

As a quick summary of events, I was working with a volunteer group, and she was some forgiern girl part of a group kind of like peace corps, we hit it off great talking for like 2 hours.  I came across as adventurous, and she was saying I should visit her in sweden (unlikely I know) and at the end of the day she desperately looked for some paper to give me her email and phone number.  She volunteered this, I did not ask.  She gave me two tight hugs at the end.  A few days later, I called and she was at some event but would call me on the monday she was off, she was ‘so happy you called, it makes me happy!’.  Come monday, nothing.  I called tuesday, left a message, nothing.  I called friday, no message, but left a text.

Ugh, I need to stop drinking at work when this is how they look at second glance

So Saturady I wake up, ready to be done with this flaky bitch, but I get a text not rekindling my interest, but instead my rage: “Hello!  I dont know who this is :P”

{As a quick aside, the married girl I used to work with who was a mega flirt, I rocked her pretty hard over text like 2 weeks ago when she wrote me, and I simply wrote back ‘who is this’, to which she wrote this long thing ‘aww did I make you delete my number, was I too much for you?’  Perhaps I should I used that line…}

There is 0% she does not know who it was, as 1: I gave her my number when she gave me hers 2: I called her, so she had it 3: on my first and only message I left my number on the off chance her american phone didnt have id.

Anyway, it was early in the morning and I did not feel like playing game I simply wrote ‘This is EK I met you at that event’  And….nothing

So that is how things ended.  It is a really weird, and random thing.  I tried to think about what the lesson here was, where exactly was it?  Here was this girl that I THOUGHT we hit it off so well, so damn good she wanted to keep in touch WITH ME volunteering her contact.  She didn’t get cold feet immediatly after as she answered, seemed happy to talk, and wanted to make plans.  The only thing I can think is it was some fucked up girl-logic of seeing if she has value with ‘mountain men’.

But – here was the real lesson, when I was talking to my friend about it trying to figure out if I was missing some lesson here, was there something I should have saw?  “Nothing else matters unless you are fucking the girl man…you were the one told me that”

Indeed.  How tragic that you can have this amazing first time with a girl, even get in touch again, and she just randomly decides to be done.  But the lesson is there…nothing else matters with girls.

 

 

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33 thoughts on “I had forgotten my own lessons – nothing else matters

  1. I’m so sorry, EK. I wish I knew why she did that, or how to make it better. I had even started to hope that maybe this could be a brief “romance” or fling for you, especially given how enthusiastic she seemed to be.

    The majority of women don’t make any sense

  2. Flakes will happen, man. You just gotta learn to move on.

    It’s surprising that she offered literally NO response after you contacted her – maybe you came off as needy when you left all those voicemails.

    When I get a new number I prefer to wait until the night after I meet her and send her a non-commital text like “Hey, was nice meeting you last night. Let’s grab drinks sometime. -Max” You’re not asking questions or making concrete plans, just refreshing her memory.

    In hindsight, her joyful Swedish demeanor and her presence with a group may have betrayed her flakiness – if a girl is overly eager, especially with other people around, I’m always on my guard.

    • It was only 1 voicemail, and it was 2 days after she said she would call.

      I think a mistake of mine too was I was a bit overtaken by her apparent willingness, something american girls lack, so instead of it being a red flag I attributed it to being foreign.

      • I’ve never tooled around with voicemail and how it affects flakiness. I never mess with voicemail period, I just don’t care for it.

        Foreign girls are more feminine and have a certain energy about them that’s rare in Westernized girls.

  3. Damn, bud. I’ve been in your shoes before. Don’t sweat it too much. I’ve met plenty of foreign girls who are friendly as hell and want to do anything to hang out, but stop cold after a short time. There’s nothing much you can do about it. Theorizing about why you “failed” won’t help either, because it’s probably more on her. Remember that any moderately attractive woman is NEVER hurting for male attention. That she doesn’t remember you is a slap in the face, but oh well. Carry on.

      • I wouldn’t bother, in your shoes. It’s a waste of time because she won’t learn anything from it, and other than the satisfaction of venting at her it won’t do you any good either. Forget it, she’s not worth your energy.

        The only way a girl is going to change her behavior because of you, or learn from your criticism, is if she is interested in you and you make it clear that your continued interest is contingent upon her changing her ways. She has to be actually interested in you, though, not just craving your attention/attraction as an orbiter.

        Lately I’ve been trying to discuss “red pill” stuff with women I know, because I find it helps me internalize concepts better when I have to explain them to people who don’t know anything about them, and it’s amusing and instructive to see their reactions. Only one girl has been receptive to what I’m saying, and then only after a struggle (she argues some of my points but she keeps it rational and civil). All the others ended up freaking out on me (for various reasons) to the point that I no longer speak to them. Once the shaming language and ad hominem attacks start they get one chance to become civil again after I call them on it, and if they don’t, I make it clear I think their childish reaction is hilarious and end the conversation.

        My conclusion is trying to discuss this stuff with women is, almost always, a complete waste of time. And that is discussing female behavior objectively (anything from acting like a slut to dressing like an escaped mental patient), not their own specific behavior, and especially not their specific behavior toward you. Like I say, unless the girl wants you to reciprocate her own interest, telling her how she fucked up is just going to make her go ballistic. That can be amusing–it was a riot to see how my ex fiance went nuclear when I made it plain that I consider her value well below that which I require in an LTR, let alone marriage–but in this case I’d be pretty surprised if she even responded to you.

        • Thanks for the comment, something else too is women FEED on drama, so even bitching her out still might come off as a win to her.

          Its tempting to light that bitch up, but idk. On other hand if she alway gets a free pass, then she will just continue on.

  4. good thing you aren’t part of the “game” cult…

    then you’d be all, I gotta game her harder, I gotta tighten my game…

    That is the problem most don’t see with “game”-it calls for men to constantly man up and improve themselves, to make more approaches. It never calls for women to woman up and be more approachable or kinder when they reject, or goddamned, actually be the one approaching/escalating…

    It’s like that piece of crap-The Good Men Project.

    Where’s the Good Women Project?

    If I was a feminist, I’d actually be very angry about this as women are constantly being denied their agency. But strangely enough, they just rally around bigots like David Futrelle and Hugo Schwyzer, laughing at low status men being bullied.

    • I think you have a point about some people in the “game cult”, but those are people who don’t really get what it’s about. They’re the people who don’t get the “why” behind the “what,” the guys who approach interactions like they’re following a script, who rely on rote memorization rather than true understanding to guide them. That mindset is very common, and I think it comes from a lack of critical thinking skills. It is ubiquitous in everything from military science to emergency medicine to earth science, in my experience.

      Besides, what you’re talking about is contrary to the outcome independence and abundance mentalities, in that it requires focusing too heavily on one girl and modifying behavior to snare her. Game isn’t some magic way to get between a specific girl’s legs, at least until the relationship is a lot more solid than a face to face conversation and a phone call. What you’re talking about is the PUA face of game, and there’s a lot more to it than that.

      Do I like the way modern women act? No. But why do they act that way? Because there are no concrete consequences for their actions; in fact, they are frequently rewarded for them. Is there any practical way to cause women to suffer for bad behavior in our modern society? On more than an individual basis, no, and usually women can hamster their ways out of individual consequences anyway. So what’s the point in complaining about it? Until men in our society rebel against shitty female behavior on the whole, women will not change en masse. And since that will never happen, there’s no point talking about it at all.

      It’s more or less a law of nature that men hold the reins in intersexual relationships. That doesn’t mean they hold the power to decide what’s going to happen, but it means their behavior is what steers things. It’s just that most men don’t know how to control the “horse”; they spur the horse onward thinking it will make it stop, or pull the reins back when they want to speed up. Then they’re confused when they go off a cliff. Clumsily put, perhaps, but the fact is most men are given a set of directions for relationship behavior that will not only not get them where they want to go, but will actively sabotage their trip.

      The fact that men hold the reins is never going to change (and I wouldn’t want it to). What we can do is give them better directions, so they can get where they want to go. And that is what game is about.

      • ‘Do I like the way modern women act? No. But why do they act that way? Because there are no concrete consequences for their actions; in fact, they are frequently rewarded for them’

        Pretty much feminism in a nutshell, thus why women get worse

  5. People behave badly. I’m sorry this had to happen to you.

    Re: calling her out for her shitty behavior: yes, she should know that she was a rotter to you, but telling her that would also be an indicator that you care. Do you want her thinking that?

    Obviously your decision to make, but if it were me I wouldn’t give her the satisfaction of any more communication.

  6. Christ, man; I had an amazing hitting-it-off with a girl in a purely professional context – the sort where we could have mutually benefited from being friends. She suggests we hang out in the future, only to cancel the one night… volunteering the next night… no word the third night… having dinner with the husband the fourth night…

    This one’s really sad, since it wasn’t even about getting laid, but about forming a friendship with a like-minded individual in the same industry.

    I’ve been forced to put her on the backburner “acquaintance” category. It’s an utter waste.

      • If this type of thing happens again, and a woman says “I don’t know who this is” you might want to have a clever (mildly flippant) response ready. Could be as simple as, “Have you been drinking?”

        • yeah, despite me using the line before, it caught me a bit flatfooted.

          Do you think the married girls response the one time I hit her with it ‘aww was I too much? Made you delete my number?’ is that a butthurt response, or a legit one?

  7. Pingback: Don’t interrupt me, woman | Errant Buckeye

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