Why its ok to not be liked by everyone…or why the ‘Nice Guy’ DOES lose

A few days ago at work I had a interesting lesson reveal itself to me from the divine, and it was this new supervisor guy that popped in for a while, a real ‘nice guy’.

Now, I do not mean to disparage the fact he actually was nice.  He was a bit plump, and had bad posture, he knew his shit, and he was kind and friendly to all…and that was the problem.

Do I think some people ‘fake’ kindness?  Oh hell yeah, I do not think this guy was it.  He was the type of ‘oh, how are you!?’ and come over to shake hands, I know that sounds gay, but I don’t think he was.  EVERYONE knew this guy, and ‘oh he is so nice’.

But that was the problem, I liked the guy, to an extent and as far as my misanthropic tendencies go, but that is what I realized: he was voluntarily friendzoning himself with every girl he interacted with.

Because fast foward a month or year or whatever to some girl he is interested in, ‘want to go on a date?’ ‘oh I thought we were just friends…’. Or imagine he DOES go on a date, if he goes for a kiss or something it is so…damn I can’t think of the exact word…incongruous, there it is.  Ok, so his behavior is suddenly completely INCONGRUOUS with his entire persona up to this point.  Incongruity shuts girls down really fast, you cannot be the nice fat guy and suddenly pretend you are alpha.

But in comparison think of a different guy, the guy that is occasionally mean, or doesnt get along with everyone, or is silent, any of these types it is not ‘out of character’ to make moves with girls.

This is basically a spin off of the backup-bitch (http://wp.me/p2YaVQ-d4) strategy girls employ, only it is the guy putting himself into BUB status.  He is the nice guy you can always go to, who will always give you a hug etc.  Basically beta in a lot of ways.

I am reminded of a good quote when it comes to girls ‘alpha fucks, and beta bucks’.

The super nice guys like this will follow the utterly predictable pattern: 20-30 years of age: involuntary celibacy, followed by finding some post-wall woman somewhere 31-45 and she will ‘see him for who he is’ and they will be ‘happily married’, and he will wonder what the fuck went wrong with his life when he is lying on his death bed because a women who he hates has made him her wage slave.  He did everything right too…he was just a nice guy.



7 thoughts on “Why its ok to not be liked by everyone…or why the ‘Nice Guy’ DOES lose

  1. Good writing. Though you should have distinguished between the GOOD/KIND guy and the NICE guy. I think the nice guy is the loser, but being good/kind is great. You need a certain level of maturity and manliness to behave kindly. Being nice, on the other hand, is easy, which makes it predictable and boring. It lacks genuinity and core strength. It’s like behaving nicely for others. Being kind is coming from the deep core of your existence, your nature, your character, the very basic traits of your personality. Let me know what you think about this idea.

  2. ‘oh, how are you!?’

    I’m trying to remove those words out of my vocabulary…and most questions in general.

    You want to know how a person is doing…start talking about what is going on with your day.

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