If barbie was a ‘real 19 year old’

I saw this side bar while I was reading up on some Thus Spoke Zarathustra (A book Everyone should read, like the sub title says) and before I even clicked it I was thinking ‘well here comes some feminists bullshit saying how fake barbie was, and how much better realistic barbie is’.

I wouldnt touch that fat bitch



Allow me to pull a few quotes out of the article:

Average Barbie (Arbie?) is shorter and thicker than regular ol’ Barbie. Granted, Arbie retains the same athletic build, absence of belly button, Jersey Shore tan, and unnatural bleach blondness. And Arbie is still obscenely pretty, with her Barbie doll good looks and permanent makeup and whatnot. Still, we cannot help but appreciate this makeover.

Ok, stop there for a moment…why exactly would ANYONE ‘appreciate’ someone getting fatter and uglier…hmm, I wonder if this is a feminist writing….*scrolls to find author name* ahh a Valerie Burn.  It ALL makes sense now.

Then the article, which was supposed to be about fat barbie goes on an ego-assuaging mission by the author: Personally, I struggled for years with my body image, and did some questionable things to lose weight/fit into a certain size/be “attractive” to boys. And I still have days where I call myself fat or ugly

What I like about this, is that attractive was put in quotes, as if in her older (and fatter) wisdom doing things to be ‘attractive’ was the height of some foolishness.  Its only the single most important factor guys use to decide to pursue you…but I digress.

The author includes a link showing how all these other toys are becoming ‘sexualizied’: Even animals don’t escape a sexy make-over. The popular My Little Pony – which back in the Eighties did resemble the figure of a horse – has now been given long, slim legs, huge eyes complete with long false eyelashes and a long, wavy mane to rival the Duchess of Cambridge’s

What the fuck is wrong with people?

She ends with this ego-assuager, and goes off content on her day: fun fact: If Barbie was a real woman, she’d have to walk on all fours due to her proportions

I don’t believe that bullshit for a second, I have seen some pretty fat fucking people and they are not crawling around on all four, and I have seen skinny girls with HUGE implants, and no they are not crawling around on four you fat fuck Valerie Burn.



10 thoughts on “If barbie was a ‘real 19 year old’

  1. This is one of the many “Why should I care” things. If a more realistic action figure is a sellable item, then toy companies should sell it. If people think it’s a good product, they should talk about it. Now that feminists have there realistic girls toy, they should shut up about how horribly distorted of a body image Barbie gives girls (well at least we can point to this new toy and say It was your choice to F-up your daughter)

  2. Had this choice between Barbie and Arbie been available when I was a child, I would have picked Barbie. She is overall more appealing and I believe that over 90% of little girls, given the option between the two, would still choose Barbie. The notion that we need to demolish anything that every single girl can’t live up to is ridiculous.

  3. I never did like Barbie. She was just one of those dolls that were good for ripping off heads. Plus Arbie is not fat, she’s normal and she would look a whole lot better on a human. Her thighs are toned her butt is big and she has a flat stomach. Beside her having a normal size waist, what’s there not to like?

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