We create our own prisons, and are our own liberators

Our mind is often our greatest enemy, despite its potential to be our best ally.  So often it sabotages everything we do because of the way we frame and think about things.

For example, simply being aware of something tends to magnify it weight, if I tell you to go talk to that girl you will feel far more pressure than if you just do it yourself.  If I was to challenge you or myself to do something for 30 days, or avoid something 30 days you might have even done it unconsciously, but now because it is called front and center it becomes much harder.  For example ‘stop drinking for 30 days’, even if you only occasionally drink suddenly the mind creates its own sabotage ’30 days…can I make it?  I just want a drink so bad…’.  Meanwhile no mention of a ‘challenge’ and it probably happened sometime normally.

I remember an old blog challenging his readers to 30 days of no sexual release of any kind.  The comments were full of people bemoaning the ‘impossibility’ of this, and as the days rolled on commenter after commenter had failed the challenge.  Their minds had become their enemies.

One thing I am conscious of, was before I learned what game was, I had quite a bit of natural early game, confident, unfazed, it literally did not bother me because I was doing it for fun and not interested in getting with the girl.  Later when I realized there was a process supposedly I was weighted by ‘oh god, this isnt going good, but I should still ask for number…ahh, got burned. i dont even want to talk to this next one, look at how bitchy she looks…but I supposed to right?’  Because I was ‘supposed’ to, I had lost a lot of my natural interactions.  Would I ever go back?  No, I can’t I know too much of social dynamics, it is simply now something I have to be aware of and get past.  Not caring has been a pretty big key.

It does not have to be this way, our mind can easily crush anything we set our mind to, but we have to be mindful of it.  Take the sex challenge. Consider viewpoint A as the sexual desire grows ‘Oh god, Im never going to make it…its ALL I can think about, its ruining my life, it will only take a few minutes…’  then predictably after failure ‘man, I am never going to be able to do this’

Viewpoint B: ‘I am definitely more horny, it is my lower brain attempting to get me sexually satiated.  It is only a feeling, if I give it attention it gets worse.  In 20 minutes I will forget about this.’

Do I hate girls?  Well I find most modern ones to be pathetic farces of what it means to be female, vastly unaware of their overestimated value.  But I also know that I go through life hating all girls without giving a chance I will miss the few rare good ones out there.  Thus I am forced to be diligent that a mental filter created in one part of my mind does not come to be recognized as a whole, immutable reality.

Vi veri universum vivus vici

Most people’s mind

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36 thoughts on “We create our own prisons, and are our own liberators

  1. We are our own worst enemy. If there is something or someone holding me back, chances are that someone is myself. I guess I’ve always known this, but it has become much more apparent since my divorce.

      • Well if it’s a delusion, than you would still know it. A delusion is knowing something, but still believing it isn’t true. An illusion is believing in something that is assumed to be the truth, but actually is wrong.

        My original statement is a saying from Buddhism and I think it’s true. It’s an encouragement to know more because that is all we have, however it doesn’t mean all people will do that. Like the saying ‘wherever you go, there you are’. Whatever you know is what you are, whether you know a lot or a little and furthermore are even aware of how much you do or don’t know that is who you are.

  2. This is why I dislike going out with certain friends – the entire night, from the second we set foot in the first bar, is just GirlsGirlsGirlsGirls. Immense pressure is put upon what should be a fun act, and the success or failure of the evening is judged accordingly. I’m all up for being proactive, but there’s a line.

    Left to my own devices, I usually start approaching under my own volition after I’ve shot the shit for a while with my pals.

  3. It’s the reason a child can play in the snow for hours, yet complain of the cold when dragged out on a walk. When one wants to do something, suddenly a lot of barriers fall away. Conversely, when one doesn’t want to do something, all the external incentives in the world won’t help, or if forced to do it anyway, won’t make it any more palatable.

  4. It would be pretty interesting to actually review that sex/masturbation experiment. You mention that the participants had to deny themselves sexual release for 30 straight days, but don’t say anything about their sex lives before this.
    I’ve tried this myself, and failed after day 12…but then, I masturbate everyday and have sex at least once a week with my FwB. To give up 4 sexual encounters AND 60+ guaranteed orgasms when I’m so used to them was overwhelmingly difficult. It might be slightly easier for someone who only masturbates once a month, or has sex only a few times a year.

    • I agree…partly, but given the nature of orgasms on the brain, I do not think people ONLY do it 1 a month or less unless very strong will. Simply people want the chemical rush, and do it once a day or more.

        • I will tell you what, it literally makes you go insane if you make it like over 2 weeks, where you have this ever present desire to JUST DO SOMEONE and also your creativity is totally jacked. I write a lot, and have blown through writers block during this period. Its very dualistic ‘fuck I want to have sex! oh yeah he could say this, and do this to fix that plot hole. sexxxx!’

          • Hey Sophia, btw you mentioned seeing the difference in people over a year, have you noticed any changes in me? I would be a bit surprised, but who knows.

          • I do see a difference, but I’m unsure if I should write it. You know how bad I am at conveying tone and the like…I don’t want you getting upset at me like Lu Bu did a few weeks ago.

          • Okay, well…

            You’re a little stuck on your own opinions. From the way you write, it gives the idea that you think of the world in a very black and white way, with only so many slots for “exceptions”. You tend to believe that people only act in certain ways, and seem to have trouble accepting that there are a myriad of personality types or behavioral traits that human beings can have.

            For example, you may be pretending, but you speak as though you *truly* think every woman needs a man regardless of her own desires…but you fully embrace the MGTOW lifestyle for yourself. The girl who broke your heart was a ruthless, uncaring bitch…but your posts make it clear you think 99% of vagina-owners would act the same way in a heartbeat. As the year has gone on, this feeling seems to have gotten stronger, perhaps due to more exposure to fellow emotional victims.

            When I read your posts, it’s very odd. I “see” a man who is a hard worker, who loves videogames and roleplaying, has carved out a mental niche for himself quite successfully, and is honest in his intentions and only seeks to have a full life while learning more about the world and it’s people.

            But I also “see” a man who was hurt very badly by someone who was unworthy to hold his heart…and who now has a wound that may never truly heal. And now this man, like many in the manosphere, is trying to cover up the wound with bandages of a world view that can only give it’s holder bitterness and unhappiness. It is a very sad thing, and I feel so strongly for you and all the other men who have been harmed this way. Like one of M3’s posts said…this part of the internet is toxic, and it seems to lead a number of it’s followers on a path of “Us vs Them” with no end in sight. I’m not a hugging type of person, and most physical contact makes me absurdly uncomfortable…but sometimes I just want to comfort these guys and let them know that NOT every person is out to hurt them.

            I applaud the manosphere and it’s bloggers for giving men a place to come together and talk. I believe it is very important to be able to share life experiences and learn from each other. Having online friends who can offer support and know where you’re coming from is a great feeling, and I’m so happy that men are starting to feel the ability to acknowledge their emotions in forums and meetings. But if you and people like you are just constantly getting stuck in a loop of depression and hurt, it’s not healthy for any of you.

            So, yes Knight. You have changed a little, but it seems like you’re becoming more angry rather than less. I really don’t mean this in a harsh way (no passive aggressiveness here), and hope I’ve not hurt your feelings or seemed like I’ve insulted the going-your-own-way lifestyle. After all, I follow it because I want to also…

          • Hmm, interesting analysis Sophia, thanks for being honest.
            I suppose what you say has some truth in that on a deep level I truly do feel like any women could betray me, I do not say that as some women-hating thing, but on a fearful level, that ANY women I may get close to has to capacity to slit my throat. That comes from the whole theory of women’s hypergamy (which I fully believe) mixed with my own persona experience. I do not want this response to be a ‘logical rebuttal’ because there is no rebuttal here. Merely me having an open heart moment, I really do fear that I can not love again.

            Ha, btw since this is an old post, its like we could have an entire private conversation here.

          • I didn’t want you to think I forgot about our conversation here, but I’ve just spent the last 11 hours cleaning, spackling, sanding and priming my new store.
            Satisfying day, but tiring…Right now all I want to do is shower and sleep. I’ll talk to you for real tomorrow, EK. 🙂

          • Hi again, EK.
            It sounds as though you have the same problem as David (one of my other commenters). He left a series of comments on one of my posts, the “What Is Sex” one I think, that truly made me sad. He basically said that even after being married for 30+ years, he STILL didn’t trust his wife to not divorce him or falsely accuse him of marital rape/violence. In my opinion, he should never have gotten married in the first place if this is how he felt.

            It’s one of the things I don’t get about the Fems *or* the MRAs…both movements seem to survive by leeching off people’s paranoia. The feminists say that all men are rapists/abusers/angry. The masculinists say that all women are hypergamous/backstabbing/greedy. Obviously, this is not true for the majority of individuals. I mean, just look at how many Fems are actually in happy heterosexual relationships. And look at how many women comment here, at AVfM, at M3’s blog, etc who completely agree with what you guys say. I blame the media in both cases, making mountains out of molehills and running idiotic shows/commercials that distort normal relationships.

            But back to you…It sounds as though this one chick was the only one you ever really tried to have a relationship with. How many years ago was it? Why do you still let her have such a hold on you? Every time you make a judgement about a different woman by believing she’ll be just as cold and cruel, you’re cheating *yourself* out of a new experience. You know what? You may meet another woman who treats you that way, in which case you should dump her ASAP. But you may also meet a woman who is sweet, and traditional, and is looking for a man to call her own. I’m not saying you shouldn’t be happy being a MGHOW (again, I’m happy GMOW), but your posts always seem like you’re trying to convince yourself you like being alone. Kind of like on MGTOW forum or Happy Bachelor forum…they talk about women more than any other subjects combined. It reads less like a support group for emotionally distraught men who need help, and more like a sounding board for guys who want to tell each other how much they don’t need women.

          • Sophia, you have always been good in understanding that men face problems, and while your last section is valid, it reminds me that I think you tend to think men problems are on the same level as womens.

            I will not deny women face problems, such as you being pressured to have kids. But on the whole, guys face such a real, tangible set of problems that no one will talk or admit to that is the real issue here. YOU arent going to go to jail for sleeping with a guy, you arent going to be paying child support etc.

          • Well, no but that’s just because of my choices to NOT marry, NOT have kids, and NOT have casual sex with strange men/women. True, I probably wouldn’t be thrown in jail from a false rape allegation (again, double standard of “women can’t rape men” which is obviously untrue), but I would most likely end up paying child support because I’d want my hypothetical ex to take the kids.

            But isn’t that the reason why people like us go our own way? We’re dissatisfied with the double standards and sexism present in modern society, and are either working to change it…or just refusing to contribute to it?

            I’m not doing a rebuttal here, but don’t you think the benevolent sexism forced on women (by other women or “good intentioned” men) is just as bad as some of the things men go through, but reversed?

          • Hey, btw, I responded down in this topic since its just us, but when you first started posting here, didn’t you say the guy you have sex with is already married or something like that?

          • Oh, wait…maybe you’re talking about the person who had this phone before me? It’s a used one, so maybe some serendipity happened and she used to comment here too? I don’t know, but could explain what you’re thinking of…

          • Nah, remember you had some weird thing going on with the guy you hook up with, and even Liz commented that it was dangerous. Dont make me look back through the comments!

          • Woah…holy shit…I get it! Hhaha, wow that was a fun little mystery to solve. But dont worry, I understand you reasons for why, I actually do. Your secret is safe with me.

  5. Also, this?
    “It is only a feeling, if I give it attention it gets worse. In 20 minutes I will forget about this.”

    How can you forget about sex in 20 minutes, when you have hundreds of sexual thoughts per day, any one of which will probably set you off again (at least a little)? I suppose one good thing about being biologically female is that when you’re erect, no one can see it…thank goodness.

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