Happy New Year to everyone. I spent all last night completely disconnected from anything electronic, it was a very good exercise in catharsis. I have not arrived at any new answers, but my mind is much clearer for my direction in life, how I want to pursue life etc.
A delusion I want to talk about for today is the idea a lot of people, girls especially, but a lot of guys as well regarding hookups and sex. In the short while I went the pua route (before I became disappointed with the emptiness I felt) I was pulling them in at a respectable rate, but what always surprised me was what these girls used to protect their egos. My friend related a story to me this morning about a girl who would not kiss him but had no problem being fingered by him. To me this is deeply fucked up, but not unusual.
I was clear in my own mind during these hookup, this was for experience only, I would take it to whatever end it came too. I wanted to see if ‘hooking up’ was something I wanted to do after a life of celibacy ruined by a girl I will talk about some other time.
In guys minds the order is pretty simple: laying together/cuddling <kiss < groping < grinding (clothes on)< fingering her <hand job on you< oral on you< oral on her< penis in vagina<penis in ass
What I do not understand is how or why do girls justify these strange things? I suspect it has to do with a desire for emotional disconnect. ‘I dont like the guy, thats why I didn’t kiss him, who cares if his hand was in me?’ With one girl, she basically attacked me at her house, ripping her clothes off while pulling me into her bedroom. What followed was literally like 4 hours or more of naked grinding, kissing, a good bj, fingering. After it was clear we needed to go to sleep, I was thinking ‘well the least I could do would be to cuddle afterwards’, so I put my arm on her, “I dont want to cuddle, our hormones will cause us to bond together” ok, well then…I picked up my stuff and walked out at like 3am. After all that happened, she did not want to ‘stoop’ to the lowest level of physical interaction.
I am not sure if it is hypocrisy, or cognitive distortion, or some sort of ego preservation but what compels girls that you can finger them to orgasm yet they dont want you touching their breasts or taking their shirt off? ‘I dont want to give him the idea I am easy!’ Well congrats girl, you have done nothing to truly protect your emotions, and you gave the guy what he probably wanted in the first place. All that is left with this lying to themselves is a legion of ‘born again virgins’ whose slutty past in their own mind is vastly underestimated.
Have a good year.