A simple lesson a lot of people fail to understand in relationship dynamics, and especially male/female dynamics is the idea of not always being there. Planned or unintentional absence is a HUGE BOON to relationships and should be used often.
So many people, take the stereo typical ‘beta male’ he showers the girl with endless, unremitting attention. He either then stays in this constant orbiter position never allowed to progress closer to the inner sanctum, or attempts to force his way in and gets ‘lets just be friends’.
This does two major things when someone endless is ‘there for you’ and showers attention. The first is that this person begins to be taken granted. ‘Oh he is always there for me, but I havent heard from jack in a while…’ In truth even if you were granted this much mental space it would be surprising. It is because if you always give attention you become part of the scenery that is expected to be there. The second is that as a male, this establishes your position in her mind for a high degree of permanency. You become the ‘friend she can always count on’ -namely the one she will cry to after being pumped and dumped by some other guy. Thus when you decide ‘Ive shown her how great I am, time to make a move!’disgust fills her face and a response ‘oh…I thought we were just friends…’
Girls have two slots in their mind with guys: guys they are friends with, and guys they will have sex with. Being emotionally available gets you in category 1 very, very fast. You cannot jump from 1 to 2 very easily if at all.
In psychology there is a proven behavior pattern that is related to intermittent reinforcement. I.R. is essentially if something is only occasionally available you will seek it much more readily and possibly to the death compared to something always there. Catch the similarities to dating/relationships already?
If on a slot machine every time you pull you win: WIN, WIN WIN WIN, this is great, but now next time you pull, LOSE, hmm, you pull again, LOSE, LOSE LOSE, well this machine must be broke and you move onto something else. You move onto a new machine, LOSE, LOSE LOSE LOSE, screw this machine. Now you get to the third, LOSE, WIN, LOSE LOSE WIN, WIN LOSE. No pattern. Just when you are about to give up you win, hooking you in again.
This is a demonstrably fact, when you only occasionally ‘win’ at anything it keeps you around much, much longer. Addicting you. That’s why there are hundreds of old people plugged into slot machines. But this applies to everything.
I had a BPD girlfriend that subconsciously did this, and almost utterly ruined me. I would not hear from her for a few days, I would gather up strength and ‘finally be done with her!’ but then like clockwork in a few days it would be ‘hi~ miss you~!’ and I would spiral down again. The fact I ever escaped I hold as a good achievement in my life.
This was over a year ago and I have since learned this lesson well, applying it to girls I bother with even talking to now. Here was a response from a girl I sexted hard then went silent for days:
‘You drive me insane when you dont talk to me you know that?’
Planned absence is a very useful move in all your social interactions. Only occasionally reward those you deal with.